Confidences
The flight to the north was long and relaxing. I curled up in my seat and gazed from the viewport, watching the gold-splashed vivid green of the lush tropical southern forest change to the vibrant blue ocean change to the deeper, darker green of the northern weald, my mind unfocussed, simply soaking up the rich colours below and letting my body realise that yes, it really was on holiday...
The shuttle landed at Passifla early in the evening: Radittsu was waiting for me as promised. He grinned as I approached, grabbed my bag and slung it into a porteru, tapping in a sequence of numbers to arrange delivery to Shizukesa-besso later that night, then lifted me up into a bone-creaking hug.
"Little warrior.... Welcome."
I wrapped my arms around his neck and kissed his cheek, beaming.
"Oh, I need this holiday!"
His head twisted to peer at me: he frowned slightly. "Problem?"
I half-smiled, wryly. "Well, that depends on your definition of problem..."
He was right - I did enjoy the flight to the estate. I'd been away too long - forgotten the scents of my homeland, the way the lowering suns glanced off the slender leaves of the vast trees below, the shimmering silver of the streams cascading down the mountainsides...
It felt good to be home again.
We approached the house from the south: Zha'haabron was standing at the entrance, warmly wrapped in fur and leather against the cooling evening air, watching for us. Radittsu waved as we drew nearer: after a moment or two his bondmate waved back. As we landed the prince smiled, leaned down and wrapped strong arms around me.
"Greetings, little warrior. It is good to see you."
I hugged back as hard as I could - which I'm sure he barely felt - then grinned up into his face.
"My lord, it's good to see you so well!"
He cupped my chin in one strong, gentle hand and winked. "Your salve has much to answer for."
I chuckled and dipped my head to drop a kiss into his palm. "I'm glad it was useful."
Radittsu put his arms around us both, hugging gently. "Shall we go inside? It's warmer. And there's a big meal waiting..."
I flopped back on the couch, absolutely stuffed, and stifled a belch. It looked as though Zha'haabron had been educating his bondmate in the delights of a slightly more sophisticated cuisine than was normal for Saiya-jin...
"That was... Wow. Delicious doesn't come near."
Radittsu laughed. "Not bad, ne?" He flashed an affectionate glance at Zha'haabron. "Between our hunting and the kitchen staff here, we manage very nicely."
We sprawled in silence for a while, half listening to some of the musical audio chips the prince had brought with him, the hearthfire flickering to one side, the stars sparkling faintly in the patch of sky we could see through the big window. Then Radittsu gazed at me.
"So, would you like to define your 'problem'?"
I took a deep breath...
Zha'haabron was gazing pensively into the fire. Radittsu was nodding, his expression dryly humorous, one eyebrow raised.
"Well, it's good to know he's not a complete moron..."
"It does leave you in a somewhat invidious position, however." The prince frowned at me. I shrugged.
"I know. But I've already said yes."
"And what if the post become untenable?"
"I'll worry about that if it happens."
**She is far too casual about this**
Watching Leteetza, Radittsu agreed. *But what can we do? It's her choice.*
Zha'haabron laid a hand on his bondmate's thigh. **Then we had best be sure she is protected. I would not wish harm to come to her**
*Now who's being sentimental?*
Radittsu stifled a gasp as Zha'haabron's nails dug sharply into his leg.
**It is friendship, not sentimentality. I am not sentimental**
*... if you say so...*
"But you'll still be the King's Companion?"
"Uhuh." I nodded, then sighed. "And I'm sorry - I did try to talk him out of using you as the twins' bodyguard, but he insists. Did you do something to annoy him?"
"Not as far as I know." Radittsu scowled. "I'll try and speak to him myself when we get back."
I shook my head. "You can try, but I don't think it'll do any good." I stretched, then surprised myself by yawning widely. "Ooof - I'm tireder than I thought. What's the plan for tomorrow?"
"Anything you like. Sleep as long as you want, hunt, eat, swim, fly, spar, you can even disappear into the forest if you feel like a wild retreat for a few days."
"Oh, I haven't done that for a very long time! Not sure I'm up to it after city life."
The big male grinned. "You'd be surprised how quickly it all comes back."
"... I'll think about it..."
My room was spacious, walls, floor and ceiling of a rich, deep, faintly fragrant red wood, the small fire in the hearth welcome against the cold air as I stood for a moment at the open window, eyes closed, breathing deeply, almost unable to believe the tranquillity of the place. You get used to the incessant sounds of the city after a while, until you don't notice them: when they're no longer there the quietness is almost deafening.
The bed was huge, the sleeping fur soft and thick, and I was asleep almost before I had time to regret being alone.
I woke late to sunslight streaming through the window, thoroughly relaxed after the deepest and most contented sleep I'd had in a very long time. I threw on a bodysuit and made my way leisurely to the main room, to be greeted by a cheerful, elderly Saiyan male carrying a flask of something steaming-hot and delicious-smelling. He ushered me to the couch and placed a beaker of the sweet liquid in my hands.
"A favourite of the prince's." he said in answer to my enquiring look, adding. "They're down at the lake."
I nodded thanks, quickly swallowed the flowery-tasting drink, and went to join them.
It was a truly magnificent morning - crisp, the breeze cool, but the sunslight hot in the sheltered valley below, sparkling off the rippling water and glittering on the late-lying dew in the hollows. The prince was sitting on the mossy bank of the lake when I landed: he smiled in greeting, and I grinned. He looked like some kind of elemental spirit, gleaming jewel-like in the sunsshine...
"Isn't it just beautiful here?"
"Indeed. Entirely unlike anything I have ever seen. Or imagined."
"I'm glad you're enjoying it." I glanced around. "No Radittsu?"
Zha'haabron gestured towards the lake.
"Hunting. He said he fancies fish for tonight's meal."
I grinned. "I'll join him - it's been a while since I've swum. You coming?"
He shook his head regretfully. "Much as I would like to do so, the water is too cold."
I nodded understandingly. The lake was fed from snow-melt springs higher up the mountains - exhilarating for Saiya-jin, but dangerously cold for the prince.
"That's such a pity." I stripped off and dumped my clothes with Radittsu's. "Perhaps next time you should both go south. There are some absolutely gorgeous places out on the Islands."
"I will mention it to him."
I grinned. His "Enjoy your swim..." reached my ears as I dived into the cold, refreshing waters.
Well, we didn't catch any fish - our bout of underwater wrestling scared them all away - but I really enjoyed myself, and Radittsu didn't seem too unhappy either. We climbed out of the lake, panting, and rejoined the prince.
Radittsu kissed his cheek. "You warm enough?"
Zha'haabron nodded. "It is sheltered here, and the heat of the suns is very comfortable. For Vejiitasei, that is."
The big male grinned and sprawled on his back beside his bondmate: I lay on my stomach on his other side, and for a few minutes there was a companionable silence. Then I sighed and rolled over, stretching, my arms behind my head, and glanced up to see Zha'haabron regarding me curiously, head inclined. I grinned at him, eyebrow raised.
"What's up? Never seen a naked female before?"
"Not a Saiyan female, no."
I blinked. He hadn't? Of course he hadn't! When the hell would he have had the opportunity?
"Oh. Uh, well, this is what we look like..."
He moved to kneel beside me, his gaze on my body almost clinical. He frowned slightly and laid cool hands on my breasts, making me jump, then brushed his fingers lightly over my nipples, watching as they hardened. I gasped, and Radittsu gaped, nonplussed, as Zha'haabron gently pinched them, then ran sharp nails oh-so-carefully across their tips. I groaned and shifted my hips, feeling the heat growing low in my belly.
"Uh, you'd better..." My voice was husky: I cleared my throat and tried again. "You'd better stop doing that..."
He pulled his hands away as though burned, eyes wide.
"I am sorry. I caused you pain?"
I sat up quickly and grabbed his wrists, shaking my head furiously. "Oh no, anything but! But that part of my body is very sensitive. It... uh, how can I put this...?"
Radittsu grinned. "It arouses her."
I glared at him, feeling my face burn. "Yeah. It's very - arousing."
The prince lowered his eyes, his cheeks a darker blue than normal... he was blushing! "I'm sorry. I didn't know. It does not have that effect on Radittsu."
The big male chuckled. "Males aren't quite as sensitive as females, there. At least, most aren't. Though it's an enjoyable sensation anyway..."
Zha'haabron was still embarrassed: I kissed his palm. "Hey, don't worry about it! It was - very, very nice. Under other circumstances..."
Damn. I'd promised myself I wasn't going to think about that. I distracted myself by pulling on my bodysuit - the suns had dried me already.
The prince was worried. **Have I offended her?**
Radittsu stroked his back comfortingly. *No. She's fine. But she was virgin when Vejiita claimed her, back when they first met, before she even knew what it meant - and sometimes I think she regrets it.*
My stomach grumbled, and I flashed the bondmates a grin.
"Lunchtime?"
Radittsu smiled, rose and pulled on his own bodysuit, and together we all flew back up to the house - and an extremely tasty and substantial meal.
Leteetza had taken off on her own after lunch - she wanted to go exploring, and had told them not to worry if she was late back. The bondmates sprawled together, simply relaxing in each other's company - then a small chime sounded from the comm console. Sighing, Radittsu shifted the drowsy prince from his lap and ambled over to the device...
He tensed fractionally, frowning at the screen. Zha'haabron gazed at him over the back of the couch, head inclined.
"Problem?"
The captain grunted and moved to sit beside his bondmate. "Probably not. I don't know. Baadakku is visiting. This evening." He half-smiled at the prince's puzzled expression. "My father."
Zha'haabron crossed his hands over the big male's shoulder and rested his chin on their backs, frowning slightly.
"Why are you so uncertain? Is the relationship not a good one?"
"Oh, it's all right I suppose. We don't really have that much to do with each other. He's happy enough with my position." He hesitated. "I'm... just not sure what he'll think of you."
"I see."
"He believes in the good old-fashioned traditional Saiyan virtues - strength, loyalty, honour, family..."
"And that you cannot have with me." Zha'haabron sighed. "If it troubles you, I would not object to you taking a female as a mate."
Radittsu stared, startled. "You really mean that, don't you?"
**Of course**
Radittsu pulled his bondmate to him, and for a while nothing more was said...
"But I don't want anyone else. And even if I'd consider it, it would have to be someone like Leteetza - if there actually is anyone else like her. And she's claimed." Radittsu lay back on the couch, the prince nestled against him, both panting slightly.
Zha'haabron looked pensive. "Is there no way of challenging a claim?"
"Well, yes, though it practically never happens. If the challenger is strong enough to beat the claimant in battle the claim may be considered broken - though that only works if there's no bond involved, and usually there is. But in any case I'm nowhere near powerful enough to beat Vejiita."
The prince smiled, eyelids half-lowered as he gazed up at his bondmate. "You have considered it, then."
Radittsu coloured and avoided Zha'haabron's gaze. "Only idly. And not since I met you."
"Nevertheless..."
"Beloved, much as I'm sure my parents would be delighted to have grandchildren, you are all I need. It'll be up to Kakarotto to carry on the line. If he can ever get his act together to claim a mate..."
Zha'haabron kissed his cheek. "If you ever change your mind, let me know."
Radittsu was nervous. He was trying to hide it, but it was clear to Zha'haabron. Eventually the prince sighed and pulled his bondmate to him.
**Beloved, if you're that worried about his meeting me I'll disappear for as long as he's here**
*Don't be stupid! He knows about you - no way he could not - and meeting you is the main reason for his visit, I'm sure.*
Zha'haabron smiled wryly. **He wants to see if I'm a fitting and appropriate mate for his son?**
The captain slapped his shoulder. *Baka. You're royalty, I'm just an elite warrior - he won't have a problem with your status, although he might wonder how I got so lucky. I wonder that myself, sometimes.* He sighed, biting his lip. *I love you. His opinion won't change anything. It's just... he's my father.* He shrugged helplessly. *I want him to like you. Hell, I want him to love you, accept you as part of the family. And I don't know if he can.*
Zha'haabron kissed his neck, fingers massaging deeply into his tense shoulders and back. Radittsu sighed.
*I just wish we'd had more time to prepare...*
Zha'haabron had dressed in a plain black sleeveless Saiyan bodysuit and boots, plaited his hair, and wore only a simple silver headband with a small tear-shaped blue moonstone resting against his forehead and small blue moonstone studs in his ears. Radittsu looked him up and down as he entered the room, eyes wide, relishing his understated elegance.
*You look wonderful.*
**I have tried to compromise...**
*It works.* He hugged his bondmate tightly, then pulled back, frowning. *He'll be here soon. And Leteetza isn't back yet. Heh - can't be helped. She'll just have to take him as she finds him...*
I'd completely lost track of time, for once simply enjoying flight for its own sake, skimming low across lonely highland pools, hovering in the cold clear air of mountaintops, letting the immense tranquillity of the place seep into me... Finally I realised that lesser sun was below the horizon, and greater sun was lowering, casting a glorious red-golden glow across the land. Time to head back.
The atmosphere was a little tense when I arrived, and there was a stranger in the main chamber when I entered - a male who looked strikingly like Kakarotto, but was older and more tanned. I smiled in greeting. He looked up - then shot to his feet, one hand over his heart as he bowed.
"Lady Kaarela!"
I froze, then groaned inwardly. Ah, hell... Well, I should have known I was asking for trouble by coming back north.
The male raised his head fractionally and took a closer look at me, frowning.
"No, not her - you're too young. But the resemblance..."
I sighed. "She's my mother."
Radittsu and the prince had risen as well. I bit back a nervous giggle: the captain looked like someone had hit him over the head with something large and heavy. "You mean.... You really are Lady Leteetza?"
"Uh..." He was staring at me, almost accusingly: I smiled sheepishly. "I guess so."
Zha'haabron's eyes twinkled. "I think you have some explaining to do, little warrior."
"... So you've no idea who your father is?"
I shook my head. "Nope. Seems mother was claimed by someone called Sebettsu when she was very young - but she didn't want him. She fell in love with my father, mated and had me, and was disowned by the family, although they didn't let us go homeless or hungry." I shrugged. "At least, that's what she always told me."
"Sebettsu is a minor lord. The Lady Kaarela's family is much more powerful and far older than his." Baadakku added helpfully. "That's why he insisted on taking her back once you'd left, despite the scandal. The match was far too useful to him to let her go."
I smiled at him, then turned back to the others. "Of course, I only found all that out much later. At the time, all I knew was that we lived relatively simply in a small, out-of-the-way place up here in the north. I never met father. Mother didn't seem to miss him much - I don't know whether that was because she'd mated with him from lust and once that itch was scratched realised her mistake, or because she hated her 'official' mate and just wanted to piss him off, or just because she wanted to be a rebel."
Baadakku chuckled. "Knowing Lady Kaarela, I'd say it was probably a combination of all three!"
I inclined my head. "Did you know her?"
"A little. She was a fine warrior, much to her family's dismay - I trained her when she was a child. Then her father gave her to Sebettsu and I lost touch. But I heard a lot about her - her youthful exploits were quite famous at the time."
"Perhaps it runs in families amongst the Saiya-jin." Zha'haabron raised an eyebrow, smiling broadly at me. He seemed thoroughly amused by the whole thing. Radittsu just looked ki-shocked.
I gazed at Baadakku. "Are they still alive?"
The older male looked surprised. "You don't know?"
"I let mother know I'm all right every now and again. But I don't tell her where I am or what I'm doing: she's no way of contacting me."
Baadakku pursed his lips. "They are both well. And you have a half-brother and sister." He regarded me narrowly. "Would you like to meet them?"
I stared at him for a moment. "I don't know. I'll have to think about it." I shifted slightly in my seat, and Baadakku's attention was suddenly focussed on my neck. He glanced at his son, eyes wide and hopeful. "Claimed?"
Radittsu shook his head. He looked... regretful?
"Unfortunately not. Someone else got to her first."
I stared at him. Hang on a minute... Was he serious? Another glance seemed to confirm he was. I frowned. I'd need a bit of time to myself to think through what that meant.
Baadakku sighed, his expression commiserating. "That's a pity. Anyone I know? Could you challenge?"
Radittsu grinned wryly. "Much as the idea appeals, I'm not likely to ever be a match for Vejiita..."
Baadakku's jaw dropped. He stared at me, blinking. "The King? ...you're the King's Companion?"
I nodded. He frowned. "Does the King know? Who you really are, I mean?"
"Well, I've never told him. Never told anyone else either. I just never wanted to be bothered with the responsibilities that went with the title - even assuming the family would want to recognise me, under the circumstances. That's why I've kept the whole thing secret."
"And you've never wanted to find out who your father is? You could, you know."
"No. As far as I'm concerned, I rather like the mystery of it all!" I grinned. "Mother seemed perfectly happy with things the way they were - although I think she missed some of the luxuries she'd had."
Radittsu was leaning forward, fascinated. "So how did you become a warrior?"
I chuckled. "I left home when I was about ten - I got bored. I had to learn to protect myself - remember your reaction on meeting me?" Obviously he did - he flushed bright red. "Turned out I had a talent for it." I grinned at Baadakku. "Probably got that from mother. So when the opportunity came up to apply for training, I leapt at it. That led to Bruzzelo's elite, and eventually to here..."
It was well into the early hours of the morning by the time the talk petered out. Zha'haabron had listened to the conversation, contributing on occasion, but mostly remaining calm and composed at his bondmate's side. Baadakku had been uneasy with him to start with, but had relaxed as the night wore on. I don't think either Zha'haabron or Radittsu really realise how clearly their love shows in their faces, their movements, the way they behave around each other - but I watched Baadakku watching them, and at some point his expression changed from coolly calculating to compassionate. I smiled to myself. They'd be fine...
*He's accepted you.*
**He has? I am unable to tell**
Radittsu pulled his bondmate on top of him, holding him as tightly as he could, licking and nipping and sucking at that place on his neck where he'd claimed the prince as his own. The Saiyan was trembling with the sudden relief from the stress he'd been under all night: Zha'haabron straddled his waist and shifted to slide onto him, kissing along his jaw.
Radittsu beamed up at him. *Oh, beloved...Yes, he has.* He chuckled deep in his throat as he gazed up into the beautiful golden eyes and began that irresistible, complex shifting that had the prince writhing helplessly in seconds. Zha'haabron's eyes closed as he hissed, loud and long, head flung back - then managed with the last of his control to roll them so that he was underneath the Saiyan, his long legs wrapped around his bondmate's waist. It was, after all, the best way - and Radittsu's favourite way - of appreciating that amazing, powerful, electrifying thrusting the big male loved so much and which they could only enjoy after the prince had thoroughly climaxed - the first time...
Everyone had finally retired to their beds - but I wasn't sleepy. Tired, yes, but my mind was wide awake. As lesser sun coloured the horizon with bright pearly light, I gave up trying to sleep and headed outside...
The forest was cool and rich and green and filled with a deep deep solitude. I flew below the canopy until I was lost in its shadows and then landed, breathing deeply and letting its tranquillity wash over me.
I had a lot to think about.
The ground beneath was soft and spongy: I made no sound as I walked deeper into the silent heart of the weald.
Vejiita, Radittsu, Zha'haabron... The main foci of my life for the past two years. A King who had claimed me - without bothering to ask me first if it was what I wanted. My warrior-trainer - who I had (I bit my lip hard, growling and finally admitting it to myself) found attractive since first setting eyes on him. A beautiful alien prince - Radittsu's bondmate, with whom I had always been at ease, with whom I had an odd, intimate sort of empathy.
How the hell had I ended up in this situation?
Maybe Zha'haabron was right and this sort of eccentric lunacy did run in the family...
And Radittsu apparently found me attractive too. I grinned to myself. He'd done a bloody good job of hiding it!
But then, so had I.
Vejiita would not be happy....
Vejiita... And I'd agreed to be the guardian and teacher and gods knew what else for his children.
I sank down onto a huge fallen bough and lowered my face into my hands.
What exactly had I let myself in for? And what exactly did I want?
I had no idea. I'd spent so long just letting myself be swept along by events I simply didn't know anymore. Not that I ever really had...
I scowled. Not exactly the best rationale for a life, was it? (but kind of exciting! chuckled a little inner demon. I did my best to ignore it. Right now I needed temptation like I needed gills.)
Think. How do I balance everything? Can I balance everything? My first duty has to be to Vejiita - even if he hadn't claimed me, he is my King, after all, and a bloody good one. I don't love him, and he doesn't love me, but we fit, somehow. He satisfies me, I satisfy him. What started out as simple lust gradually changed to a close, companionable affinity - it's almost impossible to imagine life without him. We're easy with each other - within limits, of course. Though those limits have been growing wider and wider as time passes...
I suddenly jerked upright as the realisation hit me between the eyes. He trusts me with the upbringing of his heirs.
Ye gods! Talk about your archetypal sacred trust...
As I thought it I knew I was the best person to do it.
.... but what about you?...
Well, I'd never wanted to be mated anyway. And that was the honest truth. Vejiita and I weren't bonded, I had no wish to be a mother, I liked my freedom....
....images of Radittsu - naked on his bed gazing up at me, smiling as we shared a meal, that teasing grin as we trained together, that wonderful loving expression he got when he gazed at the prince... And Zha'haabron's innocent, curious touch... His beauty... His strange alien vulnerability... - rose behind my eyes...
I wasn't free. I was Vejiita's. I'd never be free.
An odd, cold calmness settled over me. Even if I could gain my freedom, Radittsu and Zha'haabron were bonded. I would not - could not - not intrude on that.
I sighed, brushing away tears I hadn't realised I'd wept. Well, let's face it. My life wasn't bad - by most standards it was bloody good! I could cope. Between the diplomatic corps and the putative royal offspring I had enough outside interests to keep me going for a very, very long time. And Radittsu and Zha'haabron were friends, good friends, and would remain so. I was extraordinarily lucky.
© 2001 (April 19th) Joules Taylor
Special thanks to Alithiel for vital feedback.
It was this comment that later inspired the unfinished lemony dj that you can find in the Extra Features folder...
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