Defeat (pt 2)
Ti'lais struggled to hold Zha'hiirad's writhing body still.
"What is it? What's wrong?"
"Zha... Zha'haabron..."
Ti'lais bit her lip, glancing at her fellow brood.
"What about him?"
"... hurt..."
Ish'nadris knelt beside him, pulling the suffering zn'hre into his arms and frowning at the ko'ish'n.
"Go. We'll tend to him."
Ti'lais, with Ti'strees following close behind, hurried from the shade of the rocks and back into the enclave...
"Ssii'iin? Ssii'iir Rhoi'i'dat'hzziu?"
Chy'eedon pounded on the door to the throne-room, to no avail. He swung to Ish'ayi, frowning.
"We'll have to blast our way in."
"The Ssii'iin said to wait."
"The Ssii'iin isn't answering! I'll take the responsibility."
Ish'ayi caught his arm. "What if we endanger him?"
"We don't have the time to argue about this! Get into..." He paused, scowling, as the two broods ran towards the shr'en'an warriors. "What are you two doing here?"
"...Zha'hiirad... says the Ssii'iin is hurt... must get him out..." Ti'lais panted. Ish'ayi and Chy'eedon stared at each other for a second, then, beckoning a couple of their compatriots forwards, focused their firepower on the sealed doors. Ten seconds later the doors buckled and fell partly open: Ish'ayi's eyes widened.
"Oh gods..."
The shr'en'an, the two broods on his heels, raced into the hall and dropped to his knees beside the High King, reaching for the blunt end of one of the spikes - only to hit the wall as Radittsu, howling in incoherent rage, hauled him upright and threw him aside. The Saiyan stood over his bondmate, snarling.
"...Mine..."
"Ssii'iir Rhoi'i'dat'hzziu, we must help him!" Chy'eedon tried to approach, only to be forced to duck as the Saiyan took a lethal swipe at him.
Ti'lais caught her fellow brood's eye.
"We have to distract him - before he remembers he can use ki to attack..."
Ti'strees nodded fearfully, and the pair crept forwards.
"Ssii'iir Rhoi'i'dat'hzziu? You know me. We talked back at the Ssii'iin's enclave. We won't hurt him."
Radittsu stared at Ti'lais, brows drawing together in puzzlement. Encouraged, she inched a little closer.
"My Ssii'iir... he is our king, our beloved kin. To hurt him would be to hurt ourselves. Please, let us help him."
Watching her suspiciously, Radittsu moved back a little. Ti'lais knelt by the High King's head, her eyes running over the tortured, shaking body. His eyes were half-closed, glazed with pain: he was only semi-conscious. Ti'lais beckoned to Ti'strees.
"We have to get these spikes out, somehow..."
The ph'ti'pa glanced up at the Saiyan.
"Ssii'iir Rhoi'i'dat'hzziu, we need to take him away from here. Can you pull these out?"
One large hand moved jerkily to grip the flattened end of one of the spikes through his bondmate's forearms - then yanked it hard, pulling it out quickly. Zha'haabron groaned, a whisper of sound: Ti'strees moved to cradle his head in her lap, stroking his forehead. She smiled encouragingly up at Radittsu.
"That's good, my Ssii'iir. Now, can you do the same to the others?"
Ti'lais held each limb as still as she could while, laboriously, one by one Radittsu wrenched the long pieces of metal from the bleeding blue flesh. As he dropped the last to the ground with a dull clang, Ti'lais beckoned to Chy'eedon - but as he came nearer the Saiyan rounded on him, snarling. Ti'lais caught his wrist.
"My Ssii'iir, we have to get him away from here. We have to do something about these wounds. You can come too, watch over him, make sure we're not hurting him..."
Sentience shimmered deep down in the ebony eyes, and, jerkily, the big Saiyan lifted his shuddering bondmate carefully into his arms.
Ti'lais glanced up at Radittsu, standing beside the bed, unblinking eyes fixed on Zha'haabron, then flicked her gaze to her fellow brood.
"Does he need help too?"
Ti'strees nodded. "Badly. But how do we get through to him?"
They'd spent a tense hour trying to repair the gaping wounds through the High King's forearms and feet, applying healing salves to the tears and slashes in his genitals - Dhr'ovaanon had been as brutal as ever, even in the short time he'd had before Radittsu had acted - and, as the narcotics started wearing off, massaging the agonising muscle cramps that wracked his body and left him whimpering in pain. Finally, bandaged, gasping for breath, he rolled on to his side and with the last of his strength, just before he finally - mercifully - lost consciousness, reached for his bondmate, tears streaming down his face.
**Zk'aida...**
But there was no response.
"What are we going to do?"
It was late afternoon. Zha'haabron was sleeping heavily: once the narcotics had worn off Ti'strees had given him a powerful sedative. Radittsu still stood at the side of his bed, his eyes still fixed on his bondmate, holding himself rigidly upright although he was swaying with fatigue. The broods' efforts to get him to sit - to move at all - had had no effect.
Ti'lais sighed, glancing up at the big figure.
"I don't know. We might have to wait until the Ssii'iin's recovered enough to *speak* to him..."
While they'd worked over Zha'haabron's body, Ish'ayi had ordered a search for Gh'grigon. Chy'eedon had waited until the warriors had left, then frowned at his colleague.
"Shouldn't we do something about them?"
He gestured over his shoulder at the two va'ha'da. Zha'geekaan was watching them, fear in his eyes, unable to do more than turn his head. Shock and bloodloss had weakened Dhr'ovaanon: the big lizard lay whimpering, eye-sockets half-filled with blood-streaked jelly, hands clutching his groin where blood still trickled sluggishly from the raw, gaping wounds.
Ish'ayi spared them one glance then shrugged. "Why? They aren't going anywhere."
"Well, they could. I mean, Zha'geekaan can't move, but he can see. Dhr'ovaanon can't see, but he can move. Between them they could escape..."
Ish'ayi nodded slowly. "You have a point. What would you suggest?"
Chy'eedon smiled, slowly, coldly...
Gh'grigon had heard the frantic, agonised screams from where he cowered, hiding in an empty storeroom, aware of the warriors coming closer. He knew he was going to be captured, and he knew the High King would make him pay for his torture and mutilation of Zha'hiirad. It might be better to kill himself, now, and avoid the forthcoming pain...
The door burst open, and he shrank further into the shadows. The foremost figure at the door gave a low chuckle.
"Hiding won't help you..."
Gh'grigon stared at his fellow va'ha'da. Or rather, he stared at what was left of them.
"Wh... what...?"
"I'd have thought that was pretty bloody obvious!" Chy'eedon kicked the backs of his knees, forcing him to drop to the floor. "This way neither of them can get away. Without outside help, anyway. And we won't allow that to happen again..."
It had to be some kind of ironic omen, thought Gh'grigon to himself, watching the two legless, armless va'ha'da squirming feebly on the floor, traumatised beyond speech.
"But we thought we'd leave them for the Ssii'iin to decide their ultimate fate. Just as we are going to leave yours in his hands."
"Kill me."
Ish'ayi stared at the ex-chief. Gh'grigon bowed his head.
"Please, if you have any spark of mercy, kill me before he sees me."
"No! You mustn't!" The shr'en'an turned to the door, their eyes widening as Ish'nadris, clean and decently dressed, entered the throne-room. Ish'ayi inclined his head, frowning in recognition.
"Are we kin?"
The zn'hre nodded impatiently. "Sire-kin. You must not kill Gh'grigon!"
"We aren't going to - that will be Zha'haabron's decision." Ish'ayi hastened forwards as the zn'hre stumbled, bracing him with an arm around his far-too-thin waist and brushing the waist-length fall of bright hair back from bony shoulders. "You should be resting. You're very weak." And very beautiful, he thought, eyes widening appreciatively.
"I had to come and see what was happening. May I see Zha'haabron?"
Ish'ayi glanced at Chy'eedon, who nodded.
"I think we have everything under control here. How are the rest of the zn'hre?"
"Better. The enclave's ko'ish'n are helping us."
Chy'eedon smiled. "Good. We'll need to speak with you all, later."
Ish'ayi gestured to the door, maintaining his gentle hold on his newly-found kin. "Come. I'll take you to the Ssii'iin."
"Oh, my Ssii'iin..." Ish'nadris brushed a gentle hand against the sleeping king's face, his eyes desolate. Radittsu growled, warningly - but Ish'nadris reached one thin hand to the Saiyan, resting it lightly against his forearm.
"I won't hurt him. How could I hurt him?"
Radittsu's eyes widened, but he calmed, making no further objections. Ti'lais was inspecting Ish'nadris closely, frowning.
"You should be resting."
The zn'hre sighed. "Thank you, I have already been told that. But we all wanted to know how the Ssii'iin was: Zha'hiirad lost *contact*."
The ko'ish'n nodded. "We sedated him."
Ish'nadris gazed at the brood. "Does he... does he know yet?"
"About his host-sib? No."
"Will you tell him? He should be warned, before they meet."
Ti'lais sighed. "I know. But we were hoping one of you would be fit enough, and willing, to tell him. It would be better coming from one of his own people."
Ish'ayi held him a little more tightly as Ish'nadris swayed, then the zn'hre regarded Ti'lais sombrely.
"I will do it."
"Are you sure?"
Ish'nadris nodded. "Will you let me know when he wakes? And when I may come again?"
"Of course."
Smiling his thanks, Ish'nadris allowed Ish'ayi to support him back to the zn'hre's hastily-organised chambers and the warm, sustaining meal awaiting him there.
Zha'haabron slept until the following midday and woke to pain with a gasp. Ti'lais, with Radittsu right behind her, was immediately at his side.
"My Ssii'iin..."
Zha'haabron tried to push himself upright, biting back a cry as his arms refused to take his weight. Ti'lais hissed and helped him to sit, then glared at him as fresh blood soaked the dressings on his forearms. Ignoring her displeasure, he gazed up at his bondmate.
**Zk'vissin?**
Radittsu moved very slowly to sit on the bed, facing his love, his expression still blank. Zha'haabron glanced at the brood, frowning.
"What happened?"
Ti'lais was busy with fresh bandages. "We don't know, Ssii'iin. He's been like this since he attacked the va'ha'da. He seems to understand what we say, but he doesn't respond."
Zha'haabron nodded, biting his lip, then turned his head as Ish'nadris, Ish'ayi still hovering protectively at his side, appeared at the door.
"My Ssii'iin, may we enter?"
The king nodded. "You are welcome. I need a status report."
Ti'lais scowled at him, her expression, although she didn't know it, very reminiscent of Zh'leet. "It can wait, my Ssii'iin."
He fixed her with an autocratic stare, and she bowed her head, biting back a sigh of exasperation. "Very well, my Ssii'iin..."
Ish'ayi went first, his tone clipped and formal as he explained that Gh'grigon was incarcerated in the zn'hre's old cell, permanently guarded, until the king decided what to do with him, and detailed Radittsu's actions and the steps they had taken to ensure that the va'ha'da remained captive: Zha'haabron had frowned slightly at the last.
"A little severe, perhaps?"
Ish'nadris shook his head. "Indeed no, my Ssii'iin..."
Although the zn'hre tried, there was really no way of gentling the details of what had been done to Zha'hiirad. Zha'haabron's eyes were brimming by the time Ish'nadris had finished, his fists clenching in anger, re-opening his wounds.
"Oh, I will make them suffer yet..."
Ish'nadris' expression was savage. "Let us help, my Ssii'iin. Let us take our revenge."
Zha'haabron inclined his head, his smile bitter. "That would be - appropriate. I will consider it." He glanced at his bondmate, still sitting on the bed, mute, his eyes downcast, then looked back at the company around his bed. "Will you all leave me now, please. I need to speak with the Ssii'iir."
As the door slid closed behind them all, Zha'haabron reached painfully for his bondmate's hand.
**Zk'vissin... come closer.**
Radittsu moved up the bed until Zha'haabron could reach to cup his face in weak, clumsy hands.
**What is wrong?**
For a long moment the Saiyan simply stared at the king, then,
*It's all my fault.*
**What is?**
*Everything. Your being hurt. The shr'en'an being killed.*
**How is it your fault?**
*I... I...* He pulled away, standing, beginning to pace, shoulders bowed, tail limp and dejected behind him, half-lost in his mane.
*Beloved, I told them you were on your way. I told them of your plans.*
**Why?**
*I couldn't stop myself. Something took over.* He raised a shaking hand to his forehead, eyes filled with horror. *Zha'geekaan called me his other self...*
Zha'haabron stared, biting his lip. Radittsu was devastated, arms wrapped tightly around his chest, hands fisting in his mane as he paced. The king could feel his mounting self-disgust and self-loathing - he had to put a stop to that right away.
**Zk'aida...** But the Saiyan was *blocking*, his feelings of guilt and unworthiness overflowing.
"Zk'vissin, listen to me..."
"I... I shouldn't be here. How can you even bear to be in the same room as me?"
"Because it was not your fault."
Radittsu halted and stared at his bondmate, eyes wide with disbelief and pain.
"..what..?"
Zha'haabron sighed and shifted slightly, wincing as his injuries bit into him.
**Zk'vissin... Zha'geekaan took over. For a little while you were him. And that is all my fault**
Radittsu dropped to his knees beside the bed.
*I don't understand...*
Ignoring the pain, Zha'haabron reached for his bondmate's hand and pulled him close.
**Do you remember, back before you first came to R'ren'nkh'ia with me?**
Radittsu tried to think back. Then realisation hit him.
*You... you 'shared' your sire's personality with me...*
**And it appears that he lingered in your mind, for longer than either of us anticipated - or wanted...**
Radittsu stared for long moments, his eyes brimming with tears. Then he buried his face in his bondmate's lap, sobbing desperately.
*It really wasn't my fault?*
Zha'haabron stroked the heavy mane as best he could, heart aching for the pain the whole experience had caused his beloved.
**No...**
Radittsu pushed himself up, expression distraught.
*But I should have had more control...I told them... They were ready for you. I've never wanted to hurt you. I love you...*
Zha'haabron stared for a moment, then clumsily stroked the Saiyan's face.
**Don't you remember?**
*Remember what?*
Zha'haabron pulled himself a little more upright and cupped his bondmate's face.
**You saved me, zk'aida. You crippled them. Neither of them can ever hurt anyone, ever again**
Radittsu stared.
*...what...*
Zha'haabron smiled and gently kissed his cheek.
**You saved my world. And my life**
It was several hours before Ti'lais crept back into the chamber. She smiled at the sight that met her eyes: the Ssii'iir, tear-tracks still on his cheeks and shadows around his eyes, lay curled on the wide bed beside his bondmate, sleeping fitfully. Zha'haabron's hands were buried in the heavy black mane, the Ssii'iin himself dozing lightly. He really needed those dressings changed again, she noted - but it wouldn't hurt to leave things as they were for a few hours more. Let them get some sleep. She was almost certain that Zha'haabron would insist on visiting the zn'hre tomorrow: he'd need all his strength for that ordeal.
*Are you sure you want to do this, this soon?* Radittsu had gathered his bondmate carefully into his arms. The guilt he carried would stay with the Saiyan for a long time yet, but he forced it down: right now he had to support his beloved - in more senses than one, given Zha'haabron's inability to walk until those wounds had healed.
**Yes. The sooner we can resolve this, the sooner we can return home**
The room was warm, comfortable, spacious, with an expansive sleeping platform. The zn'hre, all looking considerably better even after such a short spell of freedom, warmth, decent feeding and the simple pleasure of being clean, stood respectfully as the bondmates entered, then drew back so that they could see the figure propped up on pillows on the platform. Golden eyes gazed into golden-green as Radittsu settled the king before his brother, then knelt behind him, trying not to show the shock and dismay he was feeling.
Zha'haabron reached forward tentatively, stroking golden-green hair back from the thin, gaunt face. A face so nearly identical to his own.
"Host-brother..."
Zha'hiirad stared. Then gave the ghost of a smile.
"Heart-brother..."
Zha'haabron pulled the limbless body into a gentle embrace, and Zha'hiirad sighed against his neck.
"Ah, it is good to meet you."
"I'm so sorry... They have told me this was Gh'grigon's doing, when I took the throne. Had I known..."
"I would not have allowed you to do any different. My life is of little value, balanced against the fate and future happiness of our entire people."
"Each one of us is precious, brother. I could have delayed until we had rescued you..."
"But you did not know we were here. And we had no way of knowing what was happening in the outside world. You must not blame yourself."
Zha'haabron pulled back slightly, gazing into the beautiful eyes. "And now we must determine what to do. I want you to come back to Vejiitasei with me. The medical teams there are excellent - we'll be able to fit you with some sort of prosthetic limbs: it may even be possible to connect nerves to mechanical aids, allow you independent movement..."
Zha'hiirad was shaking his head. Zha'haabron frowned.
"What? Why not?"
"It is not what I want."
"But... then what do you want?"
"You must kill me."
The king pulled back, distraught, face white with shock. Radittsu wrapped his arms around his king, not understanding what was being said but very aware of the sheer horror his brother's words had caused Zha'haabron.
"NO!!"
Zha'hiirad blinked back tears he could not wipe away.
"My Ssii'iin... look at me. The damage can't be repaired. I don't want to live like this."
Zha'haabron was in agony: Radittsu could feel his heart racing.
"But..."
The mutilated zn'hre inclined his head, smiling faintly.
"Please, zkai'da, do this for me. Kill me, quickly, cleanly. I will bless you for it. And if I remember this life in my next, and it proves possible, I will come and find you and thank you for the loving mercy you have shown me."
"I can't!"
"Yes you can. Please, heart-brother, don't force me to live like this. My life would be no more than a burden, to me and to all those near me. I have the right to choose to end it, and I do so choose - but I am not physically capable of the action. Please, do it for me..."
Sobbing, Zha'haabron struggled out of his bondmate's grasp and pulled his brother's body into his arms, holding him tightly, rocking him, keening with grief under his breath.
**Are you sure?**
Zha'hiirad gently rubbed his face against his brother's, kissing a high cheekbone.
**I am sure.**
**We had no time!**
A gentle, compassionate, forgiving warmth bathed his soul.
**But we will have, zk'aida brother...**
Zha'haabron raised his head, eyes wide and agonised.
"B... Be it recognised that the Ssii'irin Zha'hiirad has asked... has asked that he be released from the pain of his life..."
Radittsu caught him as the king faltered and would have collapsed, sudden understanding of his beloved's grief flooding him. He hugged tightly. And that strong, warm, reassuring grasp gave Zha'haabron the desperate strength to continue.
"... released. He has asked that I speed him on his journey..."
The low voice, broken by tears, wavered: Radittsu gently stroked his neck, giving what comfort he could.
"... and I... I ... have said that I will..."
Blood welled from beneath the dressings as one hand gripped his brother's shoulder, the other clenched against his bondmate's arm, bruisingly hard. Zha'haabron looked up into Radittsu's eyes - and the Saiyan gazed back, forgiveness and understanding and sheer love in his face.
*Beloved - he wants this. And you are the gentlest and most loving person to give him this release. He will love you for it.*
Biting his lip, Zha'haabron switched his gaze back to the crippled form of his sibling and cupped the appallingly thin face in one bloody hand.
"Are you sure?"
The beautiful golden-green eyes smiled, unflinchingly.
"I am sure." **Please, zkai'da. I want this. I want another chance. And I love you**
Sobbing, Zha'haabron laid his hand against his brother's forehead and loosed the smallest ki-blast. So small it couldn't be seen by those watching, could hardly be detected. Zha'hiirad sighed, smiled gently, and died.
And Zha'haabron cradled his brother's body tightly, silently screaming his desolation into the night.
*They - honoured you.*
Radittsu held his grieving bondmate close, trying to break through the quivering, self-castigating *shield* Zha'haabron had built around himself.
*They love you. Beloved, you gave him release.*
Zha'haabron whimpered and buried his face in his hands.
**I killed him. I killed one of my own. I killed my brother**
Radittsu held him close, his own heart breaking, unable to find the necessary words. Finally Zha'haabron dragged himself upright, gazing into his bondmate's eyes, his own desolate and weary beyond belief.
"Take me home. Please, just take me home..."
© 2001 November 21th Joules Taylor
