Concern
A large furry hand stroked his hot dry forehead, soothing and faintly cool. Panting, his throat dry, he forced heavy eyelids open to peer blearily up into big dark eyes. Tion smiled down at him.
"You are feverish, little dancer."
'tiisaan tried to swallow, nodding. The big Korijin tucked an arm under his shoulders and eased him partially upright, holding a beaker of blissfully cold water to his dry lips. He sipped gratefully and tried to smile.
"Thank you."
It came out a croak, and Tion growled softly.
"I am very angry with you. You should never put yourself at risk like that."
The zn'hre sighed and gazed woefully up into her pale-aqua-furred face.
"…s… sorry…"
And indeed he was. Papa had taken time out of a Council meeting and flown over to the Academy as soon as Bri'seiyis had contacted him, arriving cold and worried in the midst of the blustering snowstorm. He'd asked for privacy to speak to his sireling…
Shivering under the heavy sleeping furs 'tiisaan had eyed his sire nervously. Zha'haabron watched him for a minute, arms folded across his chest, face expressionless, then moved to sit cross-legged beside him.
"I had expected better of you."
'tiisaan burst into tears.
"… 'm sorry…"
The king let him sob for a moment or two, then gathered the hostling into his arms.
"I understand, zk'vissin. I *know* how you feel. I *know* what it is to love so much that nothing else matters but the object of that love."
'tiisaan clutched at his sire's plait, cuddling as closely as he could.
**It's… papa, I needed to know. To make the dance, I needed to know what it felt like…**
**Why alone? Why without telling someone where you were going?**
**Because I needed to know what it felt like to be completely alone with the winter… Papa, if anyone else had been there it wouldn't have worked. I had to be alone**
Zha'haabron sighed, brushing soft emerald hair back from the dancer's forehead.
**But we can't have you doing this, zk'vissin. It's too dangerous**
**I won't need to do it again, papa, I *know* it now…**
**… and what happens when you need to know what it feels like to fly up to the very edge of the atmosphere? Or what it's like in the depths of the ocean?**
'tiisaan stilled, gazing up at his sire, eyes wide.
**… oh…**
The young zn'hre tilted his head, frowning. That hadn't occurred to him…
**I suppose… I suppose I'll just have to imagine what it's like… Unless the Feeds can find ways for me to go there safely…**
Zha'haabron regarded him silently. 'tiisaan pouted, then nodded hard.
**Honest, papa. There's not much use my *learning* what it's like if I can't dance it afterwards. And I can't dance if I'm dead - well, not here, anyway…**
The king kissed his brow, knowing that, given 'tiisaan's complete dedication to his art, it wouldn't be the last time his sireling unthinkingly placed himself in danger. But at least it wasn't likely to be life-threatening next time. And 'viirel and their fellow young zn'hre had had such a fright over the event they would keep an eye on him. He pulled a fur closer around them both.
**Do you promise?**
**Yes, papa. I promise**
**Then we'll say no more about it. Do you want to come back to the palace for a few days?**
'tiisaan thought about it, then shook his head. He really didn't want anyone fussing - too much. Zha'haabron smiled.
**Very well. Let us know if you change your mind**
**I will…** He chewed at his lip for a moment, then, **papa… would you… stay here 'til I fall asleep? I miss you… sometimes…**
Biting back a chuckle the king lay down, cuddling his sireling close…
Tion hushed him, growling soothingly.
"You need someone to take care of you, little prince."
'tiisaan sighed, nestling into her fur: it was so soft and deep and smelt wonderful. She offered the beaker again, then ran her claws through his hair.
"Are you hungry?"
He hadn't eaten in two days, spending most of the first day after his rescue asleep, and yesterday he'd felt too ill to want food. But today, despite the fever, he really felt he could eat something. He nodded, and she licked his forehead, reaching for a covered platter she'd placed within reach.
"Good. I asked the kitchens to make just little amounts of your favourites…"
'tiisaan blinked: he hadn't been… what was the Common term? Mothered?... like this since he'd been a newborn! It was rather nice, he thought, as Tion popped another piece of raw bighorn and a segment of sweet yellow fruit into his mouth…
The big Korijin was still cuddling the sleepy dancer when the other zn'hre arrived back from the midday meal: Ti'nienan smirked and flopped down beside the prince.
"Heh, so it takes being half-frozen to get someone to spoil you, does it?"
'tiisaan blushed and lowered his eyes. 'nienan chuckled.
"Just don't make a habit of it!"
Tion grinned at the assembled zn'hre and eased 'tiisaan back onto the sleeping platform, covering him with a fur.
"I should be about my own meal. I'll come and see you later, before nightfall." She glowered down at the dancer. "And I expect you to sleep!"
That shouldn't be too hard, he thought to himself, managing to wave feebly as he slid back into a doze…
"Must I?" Ti'aasaan, almost drowning in thick furs - Zorun was taking no chances with his bondmate's health - gazed with distaste at the vital signs monitor Vinas had strapped to his wrist.
"Yes." Zorun and Vinas answered in chorus, smirking at each other as the little zn'hre pouted and tossed a plait back over his shoulder.
"Oh very well." he grumbled. "But I don't need it…"
Vinas shook his head despairingly - but at least the Saiyan realised how important the device was to keep a check on the R'ren'nkh'ian's health.
"I want to see you every five days - if the weather is too bad, I will come to you. If anything concerns or troubles you, contact me immediately."
Zorun nodded solemnly, gathering Ti'aasaan into his arms. They were returning to the palace, rather reluctantly on Zorun's part, but he knew he couldn't give his bondmate the physical care and attention he needed right now - whereas Zh'leet, and Br'yaan, would be delighted to do so…
Their reception was quiet. Vinas had demanded Ti'aasaan be moved at mid-day, when what little heat the suns generated at this time of year was at its highest, and most of the family were out of the suite: only Zha'haarak, 'zhasaan, 'fallon and miiron, and of course Zh'leet, welcomed the bondmates home.
Home… the thought of that made Zorun uneasy. Not the fact that Tia-chan thought of the suite as home, of course - after all, it was - but that he'd want to stay here all the time, now he was hosting. Zorun didn't think he could cope with that. He valued his privacy highly - he'd had none at all while serving under his brother, and while being with the family was a joy, he couldn't cope with it all the time. He needed his own space. Being surrounded by people for too long gave him the same sort of feeling as being trapped far underground…
Ti'aasaan *knew*, of course. As Zh'leet returned to the cold store to heat up some glop, the little zn'hre cuddled into his bondmate.
**Perhaps we could organise it that I spend the days here, and you and I stay here maybe every third night, and the other nights we go back to the barracks. Could you cope with that, do you think?**
The big Saiyan blinked. He hadn't expected such consideration… He should have, he realised, this was Ti'aasaan, after all. He nuzzled the zn'hre's neck.
*Aijin, I wouldn't ask it of you…*
**You don't need to - I'm offering…** Ti'aasaan pulled back and twisted carefully to face the Saiyan, lifting one hand to his face. **Zo-chan, I don't want you to be unhappy or uncomfortable. If you don't want to stay here at all, then we'll live in your quarters - or if you need to be alone, I can stay here, for however long you want…**
Zorun kissed him, gently.
*I'd rather have you with me… I suppose every other night here would be all right. If you're happy with that?*
**Yes**
The Saiyan cuddled him - then reluctantly let him go.
"Will you be all right?"
Everyone in the suite nodded - then chuckled. Zha'haarak laid a hand on Zorun's wrist.
"Don't worry, King's Guard. We know you're on duty. We'll take good care of him. And we'll see you later, for evening meal."
Zorun bowed his head to the prince.
"Thank you, Zha'haarak-sama." He kissed his bondmate's forehead. *Later, zk'vissin.*
Merica woke suddenly, aware that something was wrong… Jagung wasn't in the bed. He wasn't far away though.
The guard prowled through to their common room, halting in the doorway. Jagung stood at the balcony doors, naked, arms folded across his chest and tail twitching fretfully from side to side, brushing over his calves as he gazed unseeingly out at the falling snow. He glanced over his shoulder, smiling briefly at his bondmate.
Merica joined him, wrapping strong arms around his shoulders from behind and nibbling at his earlobe.
*What's wrong, aijin?*
The dancer sighed.
*Mahrayne.*
Merica growled and tightened his grip.
*What's she done now?*
Jagung leant back into his mate's embrace.
*Nothing. She's keeping herself very quiet, very discreet, being very careful about how she behaves.*
*Bit fucking late for that!*
Jagung kissed his bondmate's jaw.
*It's not easy for her, you know.*
*So? She shouldn't have let that… that…*
*She loves Kelapa.*
*So? Zorun loved her. He had prior claim.*
*I know… but…* He swivelled to hug Merica. *Imagine if it had been us.*
Merica glowered.
*What do you mean?*
Jagung licked his lips, frowning, wondering how to explain it - without dancing it, anyway.
*Imagine if someone else had claimed me first? What would you have done?*
*Challenged them of course!*
*And if they were stronger?*
*I'd still have challenged them.*
Jagung blinked.
*But - you'd have been hurt, maybe killed…*
*You're worth it.*
The dancer blinked, then frowned, somewhat thrown off track. He shook his head.
*That's how Kelapa feels.*
*Then she should have challenged Zorun.*
*She'd have been killed.*
*So?*
*If it had been us, how do you think I'd have felt if I'd lost… If you were…*
He swallowed, the idea leaving a cold and empty feeling inside. Merica frowned.
*Hadn't thought of that…*
There was silence for a long moment, then Merica pulled Jagung tightly to him, one hand possessively cupping a shapely buttock, the other fisted in his mane, tail twining tightly around his mate's.
*Don't want to think about it…* He kissed the dancer deeply, then pulled back a little. *They still shouldn't have done it…*
*I know. But can you see why they did?*
Merica grunted, then kissed Jagung's jaw.
*'s nothing to do with us.*
The dancer sighed. It certainly had something to do with him, since he had to work with the Hassinan… Within the Academy nothing really mattered but their art. Outside it, however, he was Saiyan Elite, with a vested interest in making sure their traditions were honoured…
Damn Kelapa! She'd made life difficult for everyone…
The feel of Merica's erection pressing against his groin was distracting.
*Come back to bed.*
Jagung nipped gently at his bondmate's throat. His last thought before Merica swept him up was that he supposed he'd have to continue avoiding Mahrayne for now…
"How are you feeling?"
Ti'aasaan stretched and smiled up at the dancer. Jagung didn't really need to ask, he could *feel* how his zn'hre bondmate fared, even with their link muted and overlaid with the stronger bond to Zorun. But sometimes you just needed to hear it. Ti'aasaan brushed a warm face with cool fingertips.
"I am fine, thank you. Well, aching a little, still, but the worse of the damage has healed."
Jagung sighed, shoulders slumping.
"I could wish Zorun would be a little more… restrained…"
The little zn'hre chuckled dryly.
"Zk'vissin, I think even you might have reacted like that if you'd had that sort of news shoved in your face…"
Zorun's emotions had spilled over to everyone who had any kind of connection to him, of course, which meant that the whole family also now knew about Piturun, Kelapa and the brat that never came to be - though not about the guard's suffering at his brother's hands. Zorun - with Zha'haabron helping to *block* when he realised what was happening - had somehow managed, instinctively, to shield that knowledge from them all.
Jagung chewed on his lip, then grinned. Ti'aasaan's eyes were sparkling.
"And you're happy? To be hosting, I mean."
The little zn'hre pressed a hand to his abdomen.
"I hadn't planned on any more hostlings - well, not for some years, at any rate... But… yes, I suppose I am. Not unhappy, at any rate."
"Bit of shock though."
"Heh, yes… Vinas has been sticking various things in me to try to find out why it's happened."
Jagung smirked and kissed the zn'hre's cheek.
"Know what it is, yet?"
"Hermaphrodite. That seems to be standard for our hybrids. And I'd be willing to wager he'll have a tail - that seems to be standard for Saiyan hybrids."
"How have the brats taken the news?"
Ti'aasaan laughed, wincing and pressing a hand to his chest as just-healed and still tender ribs complained.
"Most of them can't wait! Ti'ani and Le'leen in particular are looking forwards to meeting their new machii."
Jagung nodded.
"And 'raadiin?"
Ti'aasaan sighed.
"Is ambivalent. This whole situation has left him feeling - disorientated. He wants to be happy - and he's intrigued as to how strong the hostling will be." He inclined his head. "He'll be all right. We just need to give him a little time to adjust to the idea."
Zh'leet bustled in from the cold store, offering a large beaker of fruity glop to Ti'aasaan and a mug of ale to Jagung. She grinned at the dancer, eyes shining, and the little zn'hre chuckled.
"And Zh'leet is very happy - she'll have a new hostling to fuss over!"
The brood planted her hands on her hips and humphed at him.
"And you're going to be very good and do as you're told all the way through, aren't you?"
He raised a delicate eyebrow.
"Of course, haani…"
He drained the beaker, then carefully pulled himself upright, one hand on Jagung's shoulder. Zh'leet frowned.
"And where do you think you're going?"
"To see Mahrayne."
Jagung blinked.
"To see… why?"
Zh'leet scowled.
"Oh no you're not! Just back from Vinas after a beating? Hosting a hybrid? You're staying right here!"
Ti'aasaan sighed and eyed the brood.
"Not this time, haani. I need to see her." He glanced at Jagung. "Come with me? You don't need to come in, just wait outside."
Jagung nodded grimly.
"You can't go without a guard anyway."
Zh'leet was blustering incoherently, and Ti'aasaan laid a hand on her shoulder, eyes wide and guileless.
"I need to do this, zk'viss. It's only fair to Mahrayne."
The brood hesitated, then glared at Jagung.
"You'll make sure he's safe? And bring him back if he gets too tired or starts hurting?"
Jagung nodded.
"Of course!"
"Then I suppose so… If you must…"
Ti'aasaan gave her one of his beautiful smiles, and she melted.
"I'll be good, I promise. And I won't be long…"
"Will you come in?"
Jagung saluted the elites on guard outside Mahrayne's suite, then shook his head.
"I'll wait for you here. You'll be safe enough: there are guards on the balcony too."
Ti'aasaan nodded sadly, aware of how… torn… the dancer felt, but knowing he was acting as diplomatically as he could under the circumstances…
Mahrayne stared at him.
"Ti… Ti'aasaan? What… Why are you here?"
The little zn'hre tilted his head and offered a small smile.
"Hello, 'rayne-chan. May I come in?"
"Of… of course!" She stepped back, holding the door wide for him, then following him through to the common room and gesturing to a floor cushion. He sank gracefully down and gazed up at her.
"Perhaps you should sit too?" He eyed her swollen belly, then grinned. "Not long now!"
Mahrayne smiled softly despite her unease, her hand automatically rubbing over the prominent bump of her child.
"No, not long." the Hassinan eased herself down to a cushion, settling to face the little zn'hre.
"So, how are you?" she said hesitantly.
He half-smirked.
"I'll be fine once I stop aching!"
"Oh." Mahrayne's face fell; Kinu had mentioned how badly hurt Ti'aasaan had been. "How – how long does Vinas think it will be before you're... recovered?"
He shifted slightly to a more comfortable position.
"Not long. Eight more days at most - maybe less. But I came to see how you are, not talk about me."
"How I am?" Mahrayne was taken aback; she wasn't the one who'd been hospitalised. "I'm fine. Thank you."
Ti'aasaan gazed at her for a moment, then frowned.
"You know that's not what I meant. How are you? How are you feeling?"
Mahrayne gnawed her lip nervously. Just how much should she say?
"I'm – " she took a deep breath, " - not sure. Confused, I think." She managed a tremulous smile. "Don't trouble yourself over my worries. I'll be fine."
He nodded.
"Unhappy. That's what I thought." He pulled himself cautiously upright and moved to her side, kneeling and wrapping his arms around her, cuddling gently. "I'm sure you will be fine. And so will I. And so are we, if you can accept that." He sighed. "I didn't mean for any of this to happen, 'rayne-chan - but now it has…" He shrugged.
"I'm so sorry, sinam," Mahrayne sobbed into his shoulder, "I'm sorry for everything – I was so worried we couldn't be friends any more." She pulled back a little to peer anxiously into his face. "Can we still be friends? Will Zorun -"
He stroked her hair, tempted for a moment to say it didn't matter if Zorun minded or not… But that would only worry her, and in any case, he *knew* that while the big Saiyan may not particularly like the idea of his bondmate staying in contact with his ex-mate, he wouldn't dream of forbidding it.
"He won't mind." He nuzzled her cheek. "Silly 'rayne - why ever did you think that? You can't be blamed for something that happened over twenty years ago."
"N-no, but on top of everything else – " Mahrayne ran her fingertips down the zn'hre's cheek, delighting in the cool smoothness while trying vainly to ignore the surge of desire – she'd missed Ti'aasaan, she realised. "It can't be easy for him." she said softly. "I don't want to make things worse."
The zn'hre sighed.
"It's not easy for him - I don't know if it ever will be. But we're all right. And he's… adjusting." He smiled sadly. "The bond took us both by surprise, but it's not a bad thing. He's less overwrought than he was, and coping."
"I'm glad." Mahrayne meant it. "He deserves better than he's had."
And she didn't know the half of it, Ti'aasaan thought wryly to himself: Zorun's past was the first thing that had flooded his mind when the bond was forged. He nodded.
"Yes, he does… But there are people who care for him, now. He's not used to it yet, but that will come… Oh…" he flushed as he realised how that could be taken. "I didn't mean to imply you didn't care for him…"
She didn't meet his eyes.
"I didn't care enough." she whispered - then straightened up, forcing a smile onto her face as she looked at Ti'aasaan.
"And another hostling?"
The change of subject was a relief. He patted his abdomen.
"Yes… That came as a bit of a surprise too - though I suppose, after Ti'ani and Le'leen…" He sighed, then smiled. "We're… getting used to the idea."
The Hassinan's smile was broad and genuine.
"It's wonderful!" She hugged the little zn'hre gently, breathing in his sweet scent. "I'm very happy for you – both of you."
He stroked her cheek.
"Thank you." He hesitated for a moment, then inclined his head. "You'll have to meet him - spend some time with him - after he's born."
"I would like that, thank you." Mahrayne said gratefully, then, noticing how drawn Ti'aasaan appeared, she stood up, holding her hands out to the little zn'hre. "You look tired, sinam, and much as I would love to keep you here I think maybe you should go home and rest."
He nodded, taking her hands and standing upright.
"I know. It was good to see you though." He hugged her, then stepped back, rubbing a hand across his face: he was tired… but glad he'd come. "I'll visit again when I feel a little stronger. In the meantime - make sure you look after yourself, and get plenty of rest. I remember what you were like with Kinu!"
"And you rest too!" Mahrayne did a creditable impression of Zh'leet, making Ti'aasaan chuckle. "Take care, sinam."
Jagung sighed and pulled a protesting Ti'aasaan into his arms.
"Zh'leet was right. You've overdone it."
The zn'hre chuckled tiredly.
"Zh'leet is always right - but don't tell her I said so!" He sighed and settled into the Saiyan's arms. "Mahrayne needed that, though."
Jagung nuzzled his hair.
"Will you tell Zorun?"
Ti'aasaan blinked.
"Of course! Why not?"
"Well…"
Ti'aasaan stopped him.
"No matter what any of you think of the matter, 'rayne's still Kuri and Kinu's maazi, she still lives here, and she's still a part of people's lives. And I like her. I can't say what she's done makes me happy, but a lot of that wasn't her fault. I've no intention of ignoring or avoiding her." He smirked. "You'd better get used to the idea."
Jagung gaped, then sighed. He shouldn't really be surprised, he knew and *knew* Ti'aasaan intimately… He half-smiled dryly.
"Oh, I'm sure we will - in maybe a century or two."
The zn'hre laughed, then winced and wrapped his hands over his ribs. Jagung shook his head.
"C'mon, let's get you back before Zh'leet decides to send out a search party…"
Snow still fell lightly outside, but the cold season was nearly over. Inside, in the warmth of the family's suite, Zha'haabron sat close to the far wall of the sleeping platform, Radittsu at his back, arms around his shoulders, cradling him tenderly as he gazed around the common room.
He sighed. It was a beautiful sight. Everyone was here this evening, Hijau beside Zha'haarak, flame-red tail around his bondmate's waist, Ti'aasaan - half-supported by an oddly bashful-looking Zorun (the Saiyan still wasn't used to being part of the family: there was, the king knew, sadly, a part of the guard that never would be) - beside them so that Kuri, Kinu and 'jau could all be together and still have at least one parent close. Pirum, 'leesan and 'selaan had their heads together over a datapad, watched curiously by Kiraz on one side and Buahan, with Peyaru's tail wrapped around her waist, on the other: 'raadiin had invited Ry to evening meal, and was talking combat strategies with him while 'fallon listened with considerable attention and a complete lack of comprehension, one hand resting on his lover-shi'iin's thigh. (Ry had greeted his brother on his arrival, eyes widening at the sight of Zorun cuddling the little zn'hre - then glanced speculatively at 'raadiin, unconsciously licking his lips…)
Ti'ani, Le'leen, Za'rayne and Ra'vahn had formed a small group with 'zhasaan and 'miiron and seemed to be discussing something important, if the pensive frowns were anything to go by - no doubt he'd find out later on, Zha'haabron smiled to himself. 'tiisaan and 'viirel had collared 'haabron, Kobis, 'haavok and 'honee and were deep in an enthusiastic discussion about their latest Academy projects: Leteetza was nearby, trying to listen in while good-naturedly attempting to stop 'jiita and 'dittsu thumping each other…
*Wonderful, isn't it?*
Zha'haabron nestled back into his bondmate's embrace.
**It is indeed**
*I could almost wish it could stay like this forever…*
The king chuckled.
**All things change, zkai'da. Let's just enjoy this while we have it, ne?**
The big Saiyan sighed and kissed the zn'hre's neck. The Ssii'iin was right, of course, and they all knew there were changes ahead. They'd be returning to R'ren'nkh'ia soon, and it was more than likely that 'haabron and Kobis would not return: they'd asked to make the desert world their permanent home, and both kings had agreed. Oh, of course they'd come back for visits, but theirs would be the first full departure from the family.
It was going to feel very strange without them…
© 2003 June 10th Joules Taylor
My thanks to Amanda for writing the Mahrayne part of the conversation!!
