Inside

I want to keep him…
You know that is not permitted…
But he's mine! Give him back… give him ba…

Loneliness - ancient loneliness and grief, overlaid now with years of grim determination to survive but still there at the core of his being. They'd taken the newborn he once was and given him to a stranger, one who showed him no affection, starving the hostling he had been of physical contact, kindness, any kind of feeling.
      It had been intended to make the 'little throwback', as they called him, sneering, lose his propensity for strong emotion, teach him to be calm, not to feel, like the rest of his dying race. All it had succeeded in doing was making him desperate to escape…
      But there was no escape. Ships no longer left Zhane, and fewer and fewer arrived every year, until eventually they stopped coming.
      As a child he'd wandered the canyons of the city, trying to hide from his master, entering the buildings - the empty, echoing buildings that scared him so much he had to leave again, scurry out into the bleak blue walkways. And they always found him, and punished him, and took him back.
      There were scars on his mind from those days.
      Eventually he had learned to keep his feelings hidden - mostly. He gained a small measure of tolerance from his peers - all too few as they were - although they had never liked him, never allowed him to join their 'circle'. Always an outsider, wanting nothing more than to be accepted.
      Unable to be himself, he had studied to become a model of zhaneer rectitude, but his nature was restless, his need for *connection*, for acceptance, for affection, of necessity turned inwards, sublimated into a thirst for knowledge. So he was allowed access to the great library, the records of the zhaneer's noble history.
      He'd spent hour upon hour, day after day, enthralled, living what he *experienced* through the library's immersion capsules, from the start of the zhaneer's recorded history onwards. And he remembered everything he learned, everything he felt. It had been the most wonderful time of his life.
      And then the records had become sporadic, truncated, tailed off into insignificance. He still went there, every day, but only to relive favourite episodes from the planet's past, filling time… He had nothing else to do. There was nothing else to do on this dying world.
      Because it was dying, he realised. This vast city, a wonder of architectural engineering and artistic beauty, was mostly empty; at most, two hundred zhaneer lived here.
      It had once housed three million.
      He knew that from the records.
      Three million, who had lived, and loved, and created here, fulfilling their dreams, expanding their lives…
      He'd wept when the realisation finally struck, filled with emptiness and grief and a vast, hopeless yearning for what could never be. And they'd found him, alerted by the *distress* they *felt* in his mind, and dragged him back, and punished him, continuously, for three days, until he thought he'd die.
      But he was stronger than he knew.
      Afterwards they forced him to live as they did - waking, eating, spending time in conversation that made no sense to him and seemed to go in circles, eating, having the semi-sentient machines see to their needs, sleeping… an endless round of indistinguishable days until he thought (but kept the thought severely to himself) that he would go mad from the boredom.
      Then they had summoned him, told him that an ancient, thought long-lost navigation jewel had been reactivated. It would not be long before the descendants of that long-dead bloodline would come visiting. And since he was the most suited amongst them all, he would play host. After they had examined the aliens, of course.
      He had pleaded with them not to hurt the newcomers; he'd been present at the last two visits from aliens and knew how brutal his elders would be. He was punished again for his impudence, and told in great detail how much and of what he could reveal.
      Ti'ani *felt* the wonder he had felt at the sight of the hostlings - wonder mixed with profound grief, knowing he would never be allowed to host. The bonds of love between the family left him breathless: he wasn't supposed to be here, sleeping on the periphery of that vast affection, and he would suffer when it was discovered what he had done, what he had told them, but he didn't care, because for the first and only time in his life he had some idea of what it was to belong…
      Ta'haarel wept silently in his sleep, curling into a foetal ball, making himself as small, as insignificant as he could. Ti'ani, tears brimming in his own eyes, gently stroked the zhaneer's smooth face.
      They couldn't leave him here.

The zhaneer had woken the next morning, smiling as usual, but now Ti'ani could see behind the carefully constructed façade. Ta'haarel had offered to show the hostlings more of the city, and some of the countryside beyond if they liked. Radittsu had asked him when they were going to speak with whatever council ran the planet, but the zhaneer was evasive again, saying it would be best to wait until Zha'haabron was fully recovered…
The Saiyan had reluctantly agreed, and after firstmeal the same group headed off again - except for Vinas, who decided he could learn more about the zhaneer from studying the computer records than from looking at a city he couldn't explore, and Ti'ani, who remained behind with the king and his bondmate. Radittsu eyed him warily.
*Right, brat. What did you learn?*

By the end of Ti'ani's account Zha'haabron had struggled furiously upright in his bondmate's arms, ignoring Radittsu and Vinas' protests, and would have gone to confront the 'elders' if he'd had the strength. Ti'ani knelt before him, holding his wrists gently.
      *Ssii'iin, that would only get Ta'haarel punished.*
      Radittsu nodded.
      *He's right, zkai'da. Let's think about this rationally, please.* He glanced at the hybrid. *What can you tell us about the rest of the zhaneer?*
      Ti'ani shrugged.
      *Not a lot, Rad-san. I can understand Ta'haarel - he thinks like we do. But from the *echoes* in his mind… the rest of the zhaneer just don't think - perceive - the same way.*
      **That is correct** Zha'haabron had slumped back in the Saiyan's arms, his breathing hoarse: Vinas was hovering, ever-present monitor held to the king's neck. **The zhaneer are simply existing. They have no purpose to their lives, the few of them that are left. They… go through the motions of living - some of them, at any rate - but ultimately they do not care what happens to them. They already know, at some instinctive level, that they are dying out**
      *Then we must leave.*
      Zha'haabron sighed.
      **Yes. Soon. There is nothing for us here - except the contents of the library Ta'haarel visited. I want to save those**
      *Do you think we can?*
      **We will have to ask Ta'haarel**
      Ti'ani nodded thoughtfully.
      *If the image in his mind was correct, I think if we can just take one of these 'immersion capsules' with us, it contains everything we need - all the zhaneer history.*
      *Well that would be convenient!* Radittsu looked sceptical, and Ti'ani smirked.
      *Rad-san, it would be good if something worked out for us… * He eyed the king. *Ssii'iin - can Ta'haarel come with us? There's nothing but death for him here. They won't even let him host.*
      There was a startled silence, then Zha'haabron nodded.
      **Yes. If he so wishes**
      *He does, my Ssii'iin. He would have left years ago if he'd been able. But no ships have left Zhane for two hundred years.*
      Zha'haabron blinked, then frowned.
      **Then… where do the Hyou-jin's visitors come from?**
      Ti'ani stared, then shook his head.
      *I don't know. Ta'haarel knew nothing about them.*
      **Nor do the 'elders' - at least, as far as I was able to *see*…** The king rubbed a hand over his eyes, trying to ease the headache gnawing at his mind. **I assume they are not from Zhane**
      Radittsu scowled.
      *Then where the fuck are they from?*
      **Another of the zhaneer colony worlds, perhaps?**
      Ti'ani's eyes had brightened.
      *That must be it. Ssii'iin, is there any way we can find out?*
      Vinas was frowning over the readings on his monitor, and now interrupted.
      "Your pardon, majesty, but you must rest now."
      The king nodded wearily.
      "I will, Vinas, in a moment." He eyed the hybrid, eyes half-closed. **When Ta'haarel returns, have him access the galactic schematic 'selaan discovered - then ask for the locations of colony worlds**
      Ti'ani nodded excitedly.
      *And can I invite him to come home with us?*
      Radittsu growled, about to point out that that was his or Zha'haabron's duty - but the zn'hre hushed him.
      **Ti'ani may certainly ask him how he would feel about the possibility. Ask if there are any conditions under which he might be permitted to leave, if the elders will not allow it voluntarily**
      The hybrid looked alarmed.
      *You think they wouldn't?*
      **I think… they would be very reluctant to allow any of their number offworld. Not for any specific reason, simply because that is the way they think**
      *That's cruel.*
      **Indeed, but that is the way things are…**

Ta'haarel had been very happy to access the schematic, and although puzzled had willingly called up the colony worlds. His next words had startled them all, however.
      "You can access much more detail about these from the navigation jewels."
      Radittsu blinked.
      "They can do that?"
      The zhaneer nodded.
      "When you… return to your ship, try it…"
      Ti'ani was very aware of the tiny catch in the low voice. It seemed to be an appropriate time to mention the possibility of Ta'haarel returning with them. He touched the pale arm, murmuring,
      "May we speak?"
      The zhaneer gave him a bewildered frown, but followed him complaisantly to the balcony. Once outside Ti'ani seated himself on a large soft cushion-shaped area of the floor, gesturing Ta'haarel to do the same.
      "Do you mind if I speak plainly?"
      The zhaneer's eyes closed, his shoulders relaxing.
      "I would prefer it."
      Ti'ani chuckled.
      "Very well… Ta'haarel-san - you seem to be unhappy here."
      The zhaneer paled and glanced over his shoulder.
      "No, I am not unhappy…"
      Ti'ani touched a finger to his lips, murmuring very quietly,
      "I've seen it, zk'viss."
      Ta'haarel shook his head.
      "You are wrong…"
      "I've *seen* it."
      Ta'haarel looked panicked.
      "I…"
      "It's all right. We won't hurt you. In fact… " He took a breath. "The Ssii'iin has offered… we wondered… would you like to return to Vejiitasei with us?"
      For a moment Ti'ani thought the zhaneer would pass out - his mind filled with a terrible hope… Then he covered his eyes, slumping.
      "I… cannot… They would not let me…"
      Ti'ani moved closer, wrapped an arm tentatively over Ta'haarel's shoulders, relieved when the zhaneer twitched but didn't object.
      "What would it take to make them let you go?"
      Ta'haarel slowly looked up, eyes filled with longing.
      "I don't know… nothing that I can think of…"
      "There must be something…"
      The zhaneer bit back a sob.
      "If… something that… I don't know!"
      It was a quiet wail, and Ti'ani hugged him gently.
      "What are you forbidden to do?"
      "Many things."
      "Like what?"
      "I may not approach the elders without being summoned. I may not leave this building without their permission. I may not communicate with my peers without permission…"
      Ti'ani stroked his hair, encouraged when the zhaneer unconsciously leaned into the gentle touch. Which gave him an idea…
      "Forgive me if this is too personal, but have you ever had sex?"
      Ta'haarel shook his head.
      "I am forbidden to have physical contact with anyone." He jerked away from the hybrid, suddenly alarmed. "That includes you…"
      Ti'ani pulled him back into a hug, ignoring the tensed muscle.
      "But I'm not giving you the choice."
      "Doesn't matter… Please, let me go…"
      Ti'ani frowned, and loosened his hold a little, though not enough to let the zhaneer escape.
      "Ta'haarel… what would happen if you conceived?"
      The zhaneer whimpered, shivering, terrified and yearning at the same time.
      "I… they would… if they didn't kill me… they'd send me from the city…"
      Ti'ani nodded.
      "Out into the wilderness? Could you survive?"
      "I… I don't think so…"
      "I see…"
      There was a fraught silence for long, long moments - then Ta'haarel glanced nervously into the hybrid's face.
      "Would it work?"
      "I'll have to speak to the Ssii'iin. Would you be willing?"
      Ta'haarel was shaking, his breathing ragged. He swallowed hard.
      "Is it true that we conceive every time?"
      Ti'ani blinked.
      "Well, the zn'hre do… That's a point, we don't even know if it's possible…"
      Ta'haarel nodded.
      "It is. The elders examined the Ssii'iin's genetic makeup. We can interbreed with your zn'hre. Though such a thought is anathema to the elders…"
      "That's something… In that case, you probably would."
      He bit his lip.
      "I have wanted to host, all my life…"
      "Probably not under these circumstances, though!"
      Ta'haarel managed a choked laugh.
      "No… but… to be free…" He shuddered. "I would do anything to be free."

Radittsu eyed his sleeping bondmate, then frowned at Vinas.
      "How is he doing?"
      The Feeodoreean nodded.
      "Well. If it were necessary he could be moved tomorrow, though it will still be some days before he is properly recovered."
      The Saiyan nodded.
      "Very well. We'll make plans to leave the day after tomorrow."

Ti'ani had sat behind Ta'haarel, arms loosely draped around the zhaneer's shoulders as they talked to Zha'haabron and Radittsu. The king had taken Ta'haarel's hand as he listened to the way the zhaneer was treated.
      "Do you wish to come home with us?"
      Ta'haarel nodded, fearful but determined.
      "Please…"
      Zha'haabron smiled.
      "You will be welcome. As to how we go about it…" He glanced around the assembled family, then at Ta'haarel. "I am the obvious - and probably the only - choice of sire."
      Ti'ani cuddled the trembling zhaneer.
      "Are you all right?"
      "Y… yes…"
      Zha'haabron stroked his face.
      "I will not be sufficiently recovered until tomorrow - or possibly the day after. You will have that time to change your mind - or think of another way we could have you come with us."
      Ta'haarel nodded.
      "Thank you." He glanced nervously at Radittsu. "You… do not mind?"
      The Saiyan snorted.
      "Heh! What's one more family member more or less…" He frowned. "Which reminds me - how many brats do the zhaneer have, normally?"
      "Only one."
      Ti'ani and Radittsu exchanged glances.
      "Ah… well, you might have more than that…"
      The zhaneer swallowed.
      "I know, Ssii'iir. I am prepared for the possibility."
      "And you'll have plenty of help." Ti'ani grinned. "Zh'leet will be overjoyed!"

The following day Ta'haarel took them to the library on the outskirts of the city and supervised the removal of one of the 'immersion capsules' and all its data storage, having one of the transports take it to the spaceport: Radittsu had the shuttle retrieve it, and gave orders for the craft to return the next day. Ta'haarel was tense, expecting to be summoned back to the elders at any moment - but no such summons came. Ti'ani shrugged.
      "Maybe they know and are happy to have the problem taken off their hands…"
      The zhaneer, surprisingly, agreed.
      "They never have known quite what to do with me."
      Radittsu smirked.
      "Be nice if it was that easy…"

Zha'haabron woke early to the feel of Vinas' monitor against his neck. The Feeodoreean was frowning.
      "Your Majesty - I would advise against this. The exertion won't be good for you."
      The zn'hre nodded resignedly.
      "I am aware of that, Vinas - but I don't want to wait any longer. We have no reason to stay, and we all want to return home."
      He sighed.
      "Very well, majesty…"
      Ta'haarel was very, very frightened. He'd not slept - neither had Ti'ani; the hybrid sat up with him, telling him about the family, about Vejiitasei, about anything to take his mind off the double fear of his first hosting and the attempt to force the elders to let him leave...
      They'd decided to make the process as quick and painless as possible - and as private. 'selaan had 'teased' a section of the floor up to make a screen in front of the sleeping platform, while Radittsu had spent some time arousing his bondmate, making sure his body was placed under as little stress as possible. And Ti'ani promised he'd stay with Ta'haarel.
      So, with Zha'haabron sitting upright, resting against his bondmate's broad body, and the hybrid cuddling Ta'haarel from behind, the zhaneer slowly, wincingly, impaled himself on the king's inkei, his expression changing from fear and pain to wonder as Zha'haabron moved gently within him. He double-climaxed quickly, slumping against the king as Zha'haabron held him, the zn'hre jetting into the virgin body, then kissing his forehead.
      **Are you well?**
      **Yes…** Big golden eyes stared up at him. **Oh yes, my Ssii'iin…**
      Zha'haabron touched his abdomen, frowning slightly in the breathless hush - a hush that went on far too long…
      *Zkai'da?*
      Zha'haabron was silent a moment longer - then smiled and pulled his hand away.
      "Three."
      Ta'haarel paled.
      "Th… three…?"
      Ti'ani hugged him tightly.
      "That's not bad for the first time."
      The zhaneer was trembling.
      "It worked…? It really worked?"
      "Yes, zk'vissin. Welcome to the family."