Takes place at the end of episode 23, Paradise.
Chapel once said, "The single worse thing we can do is to make no choice while we're waiting for the answer to come to us."
I've lived by that. I've always made my choices without regret. And I always believed I'd made the right choices.
I honestly wanted to save him, even if it meant killing a child. I had to choose one or the other...
But he way he looked at me it was as though he was the one who killed the kid.
Not that Zazie the Beast was really a kid, of course. Or was I just using that as an excuse? Could I imagine killing one of the kids at the orphanage?
Of course not.
But this was different. The Gun would have killed Vash - unless, of course, Legato stopped him...
Would Legato have stopped him? I don't know.
It's academic, now, anyway.
Vash...
I was supposed to guide him. I was ordered to protect him. It was my job to be there for him.
I wasn't supposed to love him.
I could feel his grief, from the opposite end of the hotel, as he lay curled miserably in the bed, alone and lonely as I was alone and lonely, wondering what he should do, what he should say to me.
Where did I go wrong? I've always chosen the right path - haven't I?
Vash has spoken, more than once, of Eden - he once even tried to describe it to me. A place where water flows endlessly, water the colour of his eyes, filling the land with beauty. A place filled with the colours and fragrance of flowers, where huge trees give shade to weary travellers, where wild plants give richness and health to all things.
In Eden I could live happily with him...
And the girls.
Because women are a marvel. Because they'd proven themselves loyal in their own ways. Because they deserved a chance for happiness too.
...smoking's bad for the baby...
I'm sorry honey...
Sorry that it could never work out between us. You're a good girl. A very good girl. But I belong to someone else. Now and forever, dammit...
She offered comfort, someone to cling to, someone warm in the night, and I took what she offered, afraid to go to Vash, afraid to see that pain in his eyes and know I'd caused it. Yet another sin on my conscience.
I'd threatened Vash in the street, hoping to fool Chapel into thinking I was carrying out my orders. Blind idiot - as if I could hoodwink my own teacher! But then I saw that faint flash of light as Caine sighted, and blocked the bullet that would have killed him. Killed my Vash. I couldn't let it happen.
So now I'm on my knees before the altar, my vision fading. Bleeding to death.
My sins are too heavy to ever atone for...Was everything I did in my life a mistake? Would it be wrong, now, to ask for Your forgiveness?
There are plenty of ways to save everyone... Why didn't I listen to him?
At least I'll never have to explain to you that I was supposed to betray you. Though even now I think you'd understand. For the kids.
Knives is in Dimitri.
I never told you anything about Knives...
You're so different to me. Sunlight to my darkness. Trust and hope to my cynicism and disbelief. You find solutions where I find problems, forgive where I hate. I said our lives were too different - but I would have learned. I would have found out how to forgive. I could hardly not, with your example in front of me all the time...
I love you.
I never actually said the words. Can you hear me, feel me, say them now, silently, with all my soul?
I'm not ready yet, there's still so much to be done...
To make amends. To live. To love.
I don't wanna die!
But what I want is immaterial now.
I didn't want to die this way. I promised you years of happy memories - all I've given you is pain.
It's strange, though. I thought my eyes were darkening, but I can see a bright light. Golden, splashed with a blue-green I know so well. I feel - light, like I'm floating. I don't feel afraid. Why is that? I should feel afraid...
Dimly I hear a door slam open, feel you take my body into your arms, hear your agonised scream. But I'm too far away to answer.
Vash... I'm so sorry...
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