Comfort

Interlude - Comfort

The Saiyan's arrival back at the suite, his bondmate in his arms, had been greeted with subdued joy on the part of the zn'hre and guilty embarrassment from Zh'leet. Radittsu settled the exhausted king on the sleeping platform with his head resting in Ti'aasaan's lap: as soon as his arms were free the Saiyan had found them full of little Zha'haabron, who'd flung himself at his dadda with a hiss of delight - then frowned and patted at the body armour.
       "Too hard..."
       Grinning, Radittsu removed it, then gathered the infant close, chuckling as small blue hands pulled hanks of thick black mane around the small blue body. Little Zha'haabron gazed up at him, beaming.
       "Missed you."
       "All missed you." added Zha'tiisaan, sprawled on his stomach and gazing up at the Saiyan.
       "Didn't." scowled Zha'raadiin. Ti'aasaan hissed at him, then smiled apologetically at Radittsu.
       "I'm sorry, my Ssii'iir."
       "Don't worry about it." Radittsu ruffled Zha'raadiin's hair, laughing as the infant scowled even harder and jerked away. "He reminds me of me at his age..."
       "How... how are you, my Ssii'iir?" Zha'haarak's soft voice was hesitant. The Saiyan sighed and smiled gently.
       "A lot better now I'm here."
       "I am so sorry... We behaved appallingly."
       Radittsu shook his head.
       "No. Your first concern was for Zha'haabron, as it should have been."
       "But to allow you to leave like that..."
       "I'm sorry, Ssii'iir." Zh'leet touched his arm. "They had an excuse. I didn't."
       Radittsu exhaled exasperatedly, frowning.
       "Let's just forget it, shall we?"
       "I'd rather we remembered it. That way we're not likely to do it again."
       Radittsu blinked at her. Oh well, if that's the way she wanted it... He inclined his head as his stomach rumbled, loudly.
       "Is there anything to eat?"
       Ti'aasaan laughed delightedly and leaned over to kiss the Saiyan's shoulder.
       "We've missed you, my Ssii'iir..."
       Radittsu gazed at Zha'haabron, his eyes haunted. "And I've missed you. Please, don't shut me out again. It hurts too much."
       The king caught his hand, weakly.
       "I can't promise that, zkai'da. This experience has taught us that there is much to learn about the bonds that zn'hre may form, and until we better understand ourselves I cannot inflict such pain on you. But I promise I will try to explain what is happening, in future."
       "But surely I can help?"
       Zha'haabron shook his head, his eyes sad.
       **Not yet, beloved. Please, believe me, I trust you with my soul but what happened on R'ren'nkh'ia... that pain was unlike anything I've ever experienced before. I had to withdraw from you. I didn't know what effect it could have on you - and I didn't want to hurt you, to risk harming you**
       Radittsu frowned. *I think I'd rather have shared it with you than suffered that - emptiness.* He ran his thumb across the back of the strong blue hand. *I couldn't even feel your *presence*, at the end. Death would have been easier to bear.*
       The king jerked half-upright, shock clear in his eyes - then gestured towards the bathroom. "We should bathe..." He glanced at the others. "Will you allow us our privacy?"
       "Of course, my Ssii'iin..."

Minutes later, held closely in his bondmate's arms in warmly steaming water, subdued lighting gentle on aching eyes and with the rest of the family snuggling down in the sleeping chamber, Zha'haabron cupped Radittsu's face in his hands.
       **Zk'vissin... I'm sorry, so sorry. I didn't know. I... had to *curl* inwards - I was too afraid of letting anything loose: I simply couldn't know what it would do to you. I was so afraid you would be hurt, as I was hurting... I had no idea my fear had left you so bereft...**
       He paused for a moment, wide-eyed, shivering, trying to imagine what it must have felt like for his beloved, then slid his hands into the heavy mane, holding Radittsu's head firmly, eyes sombre.
       **It was not the same for me. I *felt* you, strong and loving and confident, the whole time. You never lost your faith in me. That gave me an anchor. Something to hold onto when I thought I would be lost entirely**
       Radittsu hugged him close, gratified but bewildered.
       *But...You could *feel* me, I couldn't *feel* you...? How...I don't understand...*
       **Neither do I**
       The Saiyan pulled back slightly, frowning into the anxious golden eyes.
       *Tell me - back when I... when Dhr'ovaanon...* He swallowed. *I tried to *reach* you but something was stopping me. I could *feel* you, but I couldn't *reach* you...*
       **I *felt* nothing out of the ordinary - although I was somewhat preoccupied at the time** Zha'haabron inclined his head thoughtfully. **You are ceaselessly *there*. Since we met, you have always been *there*, strong and sure within me** He frowned. **Even when Zha'geekaan took over...**
       Radittsu shuddered, his eyes closing. Zha'haabron ran a gentle thumb along his eyelid.
       **I had not thought to ask... Is he... Can you still feel him in your mind?**
       *I - don't know... I can't tell any more...*
       Zha'haabron bit his lip anxiously, silently berating himself for his selfishness. He was suffering too - and had no-one to care for him... I don't deserve him...
       Radittsu opened frightened eyes.
       *What if he's still here?*
       Zha'haabron kissed his cheek.
       **I think it unlikely - especially since you fought free of him. But if it would set your mind at rest, I can *explore*, later, verify whether he is still within you**
       *But that didn't work, last time.*
       The king inclined his head.
       **Last time?**
       *When you took away the nightmare.*
       Zha'haabron smiled.
       **That was all I intended to do at the time. This time I would be actively seeking his presence**
       Radittsu stared, blinking.
       *Can you do that?*
       **I am certain of it**
       *And if he's still - there, can you get rid of him?*
       **I believe so**
       *When can we try?*
       **Soon. When we are both less tired: it will take a little more concentration than I am capable of just now**
       Radittsu nodded, then frowned.
       *How did you learn to do all this?*
       Zha'haabron sighed.
       **It's less a matter of 'learning' than of recalling talents that are already there. Since discovering the perfidy of the chiefs, and my subsequent sudden increase in ki, I have been slowly coming to realise that the zn'hre are capable of much greater mental abilities than we had dreamed. Especially when we are together** He smiled grimly. **I suspect that the chiefs were aware of this. It is more than likely one of the reasons they lied to us about our own nature**
       The Saiyan hugged him.
       *Does it explain how I *lost* you?*
       The king frowned.
       **No, it does not. Our bond is something quite different. It should not be affected by anything I do. But since I never *lost* you, the problem must be with me. I will need to explore this further**
       Radittsu shook his head. *It's not a problem, beloved. Perhaps you simply have more - command of the ability, whatever it is.*
       **That is of no use if it causes you pain**
       *Can you deliberately block me?*
       Zha'haabron blinked, momentarily startled.
       **I...I don't know...**
       *Try it.*
       **Zk'aida...**
       *Trust me.*
       **But...**
       Radittsu sighed. *Beloved, it seems that at the moment you're managing to block me without realising it. If you can learn how to control it...*
       Zha'haabron nodded slowly. **It is necessary that I do so, if only so that I am aware of it and can therefore ensure you are not hurt again**
       He closed his eyes, concentrating, a faint frown appearing between slender brows. Radittsu watched him closely, trying to *feel* any difference in his bondmate's golden *presence*. Moments later Zha'haabron sighed and sagged against the Saiyan's warm body.
       "I am sorry." he murmured. "I'm too tired."
       Radittsu cradled him close.
       "No, I'm sorry, beloved. I ask too much. Rest now. We can try again any time: the important thing is that I have you back."
       Zha'haabron kissed his chest, relaxing in his lover's strong, sure grasp.
       "And that I have you once more."
       For a few moments there was a contented silence, then the king ran his hands gently down his bondmate's back towards his tail - suddenly freezing, his eyes wide, at the feel of the skin under his fingers. He slid from the Saiyan's lap to sit beside him. Radittsu frowned.
       "What's wrong?"
       Pushing gently at one broad warm shoulder, Zha'haabron frowned at Radittsu.
       "Let me see your back."
       Radittsu blinked, surprised, but turned his back, and the king pulled the heavy wet mane aside - hissing at the sight that met his eyes.
       **Oh, zk'vissin...!**
       Radittsu twisted to look over his shoulder.
       *They're just bites. They're nearly healed.*
       **But...** Zha'haabron pulled the Saiyan around to face him, eyes flicking from the teethmarks on his shoulders and nipples to the purpling bruises on his ribs and hips, noticing them for the first time - a sure indicator of how truly exhausted he was.
       "Hijau."
       Radittsu kissed his forehead.
       "Yes."
       Zha'haabron bit his lip, then gazed into the Saiyan's eyes.
       **Was he good to you?**
       Radittsu smiled. *He gave me what I needed.*
       Zha'haabron inclined his head, enquiringly, and the Saiyan sighed and nodded.
       *Yes, he was good to me.*
       The king frowned, palm splayed carefully over one bitten, swollen nipple.
       **But he hurt you**
       *Not exactly.*
       **'Not exactly'? You like being bitten?**
       Radittsu smiled and settled his bondmate a little closer.
       *It was always a little rough in the military - nothing much has changed. And pain is a good way to distract yourself. So is sex. Put the two together and you have the ideal way to forget your troubles...*
       Zha'haabron's eyes closed as he shuddered.
       **... zk'aida... how could I do that to you?**
       The Saiyan kissed his forehead.
       *We've already established that you had your own problems. I'm just glad I didn't make them worse.* He grinned. *And yes, sometimes I do like pain - especially when it's a side-dish to pleasure!*
       The king frowned as he considered the notion, then sighed.
       **I don't understand. How can you enjoy pain?**
       Radittsu thought for a moment, then smiled, touching the faint scar on his bondmate's neck.
       *Did it hurt you when I made this?*
       Zha'haabron thought back, remembering that yes, it had been painful, but at the time he'd been so overwhelmed by Radittsu's lovemaking that he hadn't perceived it as pain, exactly, but as a counterpoint to the pleasure his bondmate was giving him, making that seem all the greater... He nodded.
       **I think I understand. But I dare not bite you**
       *I know. But there are other ways. Perhaps we should explore them - later, when you're fully recovered.* He frowned. *I don't know how you're feeling... Did Dhr'ovaanon...?*
       Zha'haabron shook his head, setting his bondmate's mind at rest.
       **No. You stopped him before he could climax - I'm not hosting. And those wounds were superficial and have healed**
       Radittsu's arms tightened. *It was still rape though - and it was all my fault...*
       The king hauled himself upright, exasperated but understanding that his bondmate would take a lot more reassuring before he could forgive himself.
       **It was not your fault. None of it was your fault: the blame is mine and mine alone. And you proved yourself stronger than my sire - you resisted, and saved both of us**
       *I should have been stronger. I betrayed you.*
       **It was not a betrayal**
       Zha'haabron's *voice* was firm, his eyes calm and compassionate, holding Radittsu closely, fingers gently stroking his bruised and bitten shoulders. The Saiyan gazed at his bondmate, the memory of his actions bringing him perilously close to tears.
       *But I should have stayed with you, tried to help you. Instead I let Hijau...Can you forgive me?*
       Zha'haabron sighed.
       **Zk'vissin, there's nothing to forgive. And you couldn't have helped me, not then. I'm grateful to Hijau for taking care of you - although I would of course have preferred you to have stayed in the suite** He smiled tiredly. **You enjoyed being with him: I don't mind if you wish to make love with him in the future. He can, after all, give you pleasure that I cannot**
       Radittsu smiled, lifting and turning the king to sit on his lap, cool blue back to warm broad chest, before gently sliding into him. Zha'haabron moaned very slightly, slumping back and wrapping his arms around his bondmate's neck as warm strong fingers enfolded his erection.
       *Beloved, this is making love. What Hijau and I did was have sex. There's a world of difference. And much as we both enjoyed it, it could never replace this. My place is with you.* He nuzzled the king's neck as his fingers found and stroked his lover's mound, sending a shiver through the cool body.
       *But should the mood ever take me, I will let you know!*
       **Good** Zha'haabron chuckled, then gasped, internal muscles flexing as his bondmate began to shift, and Radittsu moaned as his grip tightened. And they came together, gently, sweetly, minds filled with contentment and relief.
       **I love you**
       *And I love you.* Radittsu's grip tightened as he buried his face in his bondmate's neck. *Gods, beloved, I missed you so much...*
       Zha'haabron twisted to kiss his temple.
       **I promise I won't *leave* you again. Though you may have to help me learn how I can best keep that promise!**
       Radittsu chuckled. *Your Majesty, it will be a pleasure.* He frowned to himself. *Uh, well, it'll be an interesting learning experience, anyway.* He lifted the king in strong, sure arms. *But right now I'm tired, and I know you are too, and Zh'leet's going to want to force feed you all sorts of nutrients over the next few days. I suggest we get some sleep.* He smiled fondly. *Beloved - Dhr'ovaanon, Zha'geekaan and Gh'grigon are no longer a problem. The zn'hre are safe. We're home, back with the family: there are hostlings on the way and it's now possible for you and I to have our own offspring. I'd say life's pretty good right now. Our dreams should be peaceful tonight.*
       Gazing up into the big ebony eyes smiling down at him, Zha'haabron relaxed back into the strong arms. For the first time in his life feeling completely untroubled, completely safe, and blissfully happy. Radittsu grinned and kissed his forehead.
       *Me too, beloved. Me too...*