Remember
…. He floated above the enclave, gazing down upon a scene of quiet joy…
Sunset… a gold and deep blue sky. Below him the fires sparkled against the deep green of the close-cropped plain, bounded and contained by glittering crystalline rocks, tended by tall, graceful, willowy beings… the fires made the shape of a star, and at its centre the dancers leapt and swirled, their dance accompanied by harmonious voices raised in song… he couldn't quite make out the words… Lights glittered and sparkled up the face of the cliff, too, echoing the shimmer of the broad bright rings above and across the darkening world…
Zha'zhasaan bolted upright with a gasp, hand to his throat. Beside him 'miiron mumbled wearily and pushed himself up onto one elbow.
**Y'all right, zk'vils? Bad dream again?**
'zhasaan took a deep breath and tried to smile.
**I'm fine. It wasn't a bad dream, not at all, just…** He swallowed. 'miiron sighed, then pulled him back down, cuddling him close.
**Want to *share*?**
**Not yet. Not until I know what I'm sharing…**
The dreams were coming more frequently - strange, distorted images of other times and places - but this dream of the ringed planet came more often than most. 'zhasaan felt as though he *knew* the place, somehow, though a search of the database hadn't turned up any information. Yes, there were plenty of ringed worlds, some were even members of the Empire, but there were none listed that had the sort of culture he'd 'seen'.
It was frustrating. And the only way, as far as he knew, to resolve the problem was to ask papa to release some of the *blocks* he'd set in place, back when 'zhasaan's mind had been inundated by the future.
He didn't want to have to do that. He was afraid, afraid of what he'd see, what it would do to him.
Maybe there was another way…
'zhasaan, 'miiron and 'fallon usually took their classes together: none of them were particularly academically inclined - their considerable mental acuity tended more towards the arts - and 'zhasaan felt safer, more comfortable, with the other two beside him. 'fallon's gentle, affectionate temperament and 'miiron's no-nonsense practicality balanced his own somewhat unstable - yes, he knew it, admitted to it, coped with it with help from the family - nature. It wasn't an ideal set up, but at the moment he needed the support. 'zhasaan knew things would eventually change; 'fallon in particular was devoted to 'raadiin, and if the young warrior was ever posted elsewhere, it was almost a foregone conclusion that 'fallon would go with him. But 'miiron showed no sign of wanting anything else - indeed, he seemed to take some pride in caring for his older sibling.
'zhasaan hoped it would last.
Leteetza was devoting as much time as she could scrape together to work on the Book of the Blue God, frustrated that she wasn't able to dedicate more than a few hours here and there. Nevertheless, the transliteration was coming along well, and she was fascinated by the descriptions of R'ren'nkh'ia as it had been before the moon was destroyed…
The ancient words summoned up images of rich green forests filled with life, profusely flowering plants, vividly coloured cold-blooded avian and saurian forms, a multiplicity of aquatic and insect life in and around the deep broad rivers. But no mammals; they'd never evolved here. That took a little getting used to... Then again, the planet was warm, very warm and very wet, with no cold season; there'd been no need for warm-blooded creatures to appear.
The Book had been written by a number of different individuals, some of them more poetic than others, some tolerant, some bluntly factual, some obviously angry. Getting the 'feel' of the language across, as well as its meaning, wasn't easy, even with Zh'nast's extensive notes, and she'd been concentrating on a particularly awkward segment when someone distracted her…
She snarled as her head jerked up, to glare at… 'leesaan? The hostling blinked, his expression moving from frowning to startled to frightened in an instant. She sighed and smiled.
"Sorry, little one."
He inclined his head solemnly.
"No, I'm sorry, Leteetza-sama. I know better than to interrupt… but…"
His voice tailed off uncertainly. She grinned, good humour restored.
"All right - you wouldn't interrupt me if it wasn't important. What's the matter?"
He frowned again.
"I'd like you to look at something. I don't understand it, and was hoping you might be able to see it with different eyes."
Leteetza blinked. It was unusual for 'leesaan to admit to being puzzled: the young zn'hre had a natural talent for languages, and had rapidly become one of the team's best linguists and translators. She rose and followed him to his monitor, peering at the original zhaneer side by side with his translation on the screen.
"The path to the ocean is in the stones?"
'leesaan nodded. Leteetza frowned.
"What are you working on? Some sort of philosophy? Poetry?"
"Astronavigation."
She stared at him.
"Astronavigation?"
He nodded.
"I'm sure I must have the translation wrong, but Zh'nast has checked it and she doesn't think so…"
"Have you tried an alternative?"
"Well…. It could also read 'the way of the rock leads to life' or 'the stone shows the way to the waters' - but they're all variations on the basic idea. For zhaneer, it's surprisingly unambiguous. But meaningless at the moment. Until we learn a little more, anyway."
Leteetza frowned.
"Do we know what significance rocks or stones had to them? Or the ocean, come to that?"
'leesaan pursed his lips irritably.
"Not really. Not yet." His low, smooth voice was sibilant with frustration. "They're such basic, fundamental elements and we still haven't worked out what they meant to the zhaneer - symbolically, I mean."
Leteetza laid a hand on his shoulder sympathetically.
"Give it time, Ssii'irin. We will get there, I know we will. It's just going to take a little longer, that's all. And if I come up with anything, be sure I'll let you know right away."
The zn'hre sighed and nodded, somewhat dispiritedly.
"Thank you…"
It had been a gruelling afternoon for 'zhasaan. He'd been aware, constantly, of hazy images hovering just out of reach in his mind, refusing to come into proper focus, distracting him from SinZSal's complex double-toned voice beautifully rendering one of his people's most moving tales. The Tsilin had been sympathetic - Ubi warned all the family's tutors about the children's idiosyncrasies before letting them loose in the classroom - but 'zhasaan felt guilty, nonetheless. He'd been even quieter than usual over the evening meals, and now, in the bathing pool, he felt close to tears, cuddled in 'miiron's arms.
**Zk'vissin, what's the matter? *Show* me**
'zhasaan shook his head.
**I can't. I can't focus on it clearly enough to *share* it…**
'miiron bit his lip and nestled his miserable sibling even closer. He'd been hoping the little dreamer would come to the conclusion by himself, but it seemed that 'zhasaan was resisting the idea…
**I think… we'll have to ask papa to help…**
'zhasaan bit back a sob.
**I'm afraid**
**I know, but I'll be here. So will 'fallon - and the rest of the family** He smoothed back a lock of vivid hair. **Let's speak to him tonight, ne?**
Reluctantly, but knowing he had to learn how to deal with the information stored in his mind, the dreamer nodded.
**…all right…**
'miiron nuzzled his neck, then lay back, gently stroking his sibling's hair and shoulders, trying to relax him…
'zhasaan made himself breathe slowly, absently watching the others in the bath. Papa and dadda Radittsu were cuddled together, drowsing, sated; Leteetza, Le'leen and Ti'ani were keeping the younger hostlings occupied in the other part of the pool; and Hi'ijaa and Zha'haarak were making love…
'zhasaan watched them, wondering if one day he might be so loved, love someone as much as these two loved each other. They were so beautiful together…
… and things - shifted…
With a weird sense of dislocation 'zhasaan *saw* the pair elsewhere… still in water, still making love, but the water was cooler, the pool surrounded at some distance by sand edged by green, growing things… an oasis under a summer sky…
R'ren'nkh'ia. They were on R'ren'nkh'ia, he knew it… but back before the moon was destroyed, back when there was open water and life was easy and plentiful… before water meant wealth…
He frowned to himself. This wasn't right. It was Hi'ijaa and Zha'haarak… but ancient R'ren'nkh'ia had no Saiya-jin… and their zn'hre wouldn't have been allowed to…
… Was this the future?...
He blinked. Surely not: his knowledge of the physical sciences was very limited, but he didn't think it was possible for R'ren'nkh'ia to go back to being so rich and fertile, not without a stabilising moon… was it?
… so what else could it mean?
… Maybe…
He watched, *sensing* the love binding the vision of Hi'ijaa and Zha'haarak together as it bound the living pair, precious as water upwelling in the desert, and *feeling* hope swelling within him… if Zha'haarak could survive and blossom after a life of abuse, perhaps there was a chance for his homeworld… with Hi'ijaa's strength, his protection, the love and loyalty that were without question… was there a deeper meaning, a deeper significance, to this bonding across species? It certainly made for compassion and understanding… Could it really save worlds?
But it was all a little too much for a young and frightened zn'hre suddenly feeling very lonely, very alone, in the midst of the family's love. He shivered, huddling in on himself…
'miiron's hands gently wiping at the tears he hadn't realised he'd wept brought him back to himself, and he sighed, nestling into his sibling's arms. 'miiron nuzzled his neck.
*You're still all right to speak with papa?*
'zhasaan swallowed and nodded hesitantly.
*Not really… but I suppose I have to…**
'miiron hugged him tightly.
*It will help, ssa'an. And I'll do what I can to make it easier.*
Zha'haabron was watching them, expression neutral, but there was a tension in his body: he knew what they were going to ask. He glanced at Ti'ani and Le'leen; the young hybrids smiled back and nodded. The Ssii'iin gestured towards the door.
**Shall we?**
He led them to a secluded grove in the palace grounds, a gentle, peaceful place with a quietly rippling waterfall, far enough away that any *overspill* from what they were about to attempt shouldn't impinge too heavily on the family - then, with Radittsu kneeling behind him protectively, Zha'haabron pulled 'zhasaan into his arms.
**It is time, little one. I have *seen* the memories breaking through**
'zhasaan nodded, shivering violently in the warm night air, and swallowed hard. His sire kissed his forehead - then looked up as Jeice landed nearby. The hash'shavven inclined his head, eyebrows raised.
*You surely weren't going to try this without me, were you?*
The king smiled.
**I thought you were busy**
*Never too busy to help one of the family. You should know that by now.*
Zha'haabron accepted the rebuke gracefully, and held out a hand.
**Thank you, my friend. Your assistance is most welcome** He tilted 'zhasaan's head up, gazing into frightened golden eyes. **We will make this as easy as we can, zk'vissin. And we will help you in any way we can, afterwards**
The hostlings came closer, nestling around 'zhasaan with Jeice holding the little dreamer's hand.
*I'll shield you,* the hash'shavven's *voice* was a quiet murmur, *and teach you how to shield for yourself. Just relax, and let us guide you…*
Later, once he'd learned a little more control, Zha'zhasaan was to remember what happened next in full detail, but at the time he was only aware of a loosening somewhere deep in his mind, and a slow trickle of images, his future-memories, gradually settling into place. He still didn't understand them - mostly, he thought, because they were of people and places he didn't recognise - but he felt more able, now, to deal with them, to control his reaction to them…
He frowned. He shouldn't be skilled enough to do that, not yet… then he relaxed. Of course. Jeice. The hash'shavven had *instructed* him in the ability at a deep instinctive level while his sire was carefully partially releasing the *blocks*, creating *filters* rather than solid *walls*…
He felt Zha'haabron stroking his hair, and forced open tired eyes. The air had cooled: considerable time had passed, and everyone looked weary. Holding his breath, 'zhasaan very gently *nudged* his own mind, expecting to feel pain - but all that happened was a coming into focus of some of the images he'd briefly glimpsed before, now clear and lucid, but no longer burning his awareness… He sighed and slumped in his sire's arms.
**Thank you. Thank you all…**
Zha'haabron kissed his hair.
**That should make life a little more comfortable for you. We will organise special *tuition* tomorrow**
*But for tonight,* interjected Radittsu, *I think we've all done quite enough. Bed, all.*
Chuckling, Zha'haabron stood, 'zhasaan still cradled in his arms, and he, his bondmate and Jeice gathered the other hostlings to them. Within minutes they had landed on the balcony and Zh'leet was shooing everyone to bed.
A short while later Ti'ani cuddled into 'zhasaan's back, nuzzling the zn'hre comfortingly.
*The Ssii'iin thinks I might be able to act as your *anchor*, help you keep control of everything.*
Half-asleep, 'zhasaan nevertheless considered the idea, finding it pleasant. He sighed and nestled closer.
*Thank you. That'd be good…*
Ti'ani kissed his neck.
*Talk about it later, ne?*
And 'zhasaan nodded, feeling himself sliding into sleep, feeling… at ease, for the first time in almost a year.
'leesaan frowned, watching the Saiyan from the corner of his eye, uneasy and not knowing why.
Tomorokoshi was crippled. He'd been part of the offworld military for many years, serving under Nappa, until a recent skirmish on Tarda: the first class warrior had lost his tail and half of a leg in some kind of action which had resulted in him being forced out of the military - in disgrace, it was rumoured. Quite how the male had ended up as part of the maintenance crew for the library wasn't clear - it certainly wasn't work that came naturally or easily to the short-tempered, bitter-voiced warrior.
On those very rare occasions when they could have come into contact, 'leesaan avoided him. But still, something about the Saiyan troubled him. Especially now.
Leteetza had sat down and drummed her fingers against her desk, frowning after the limping male.
"Now why the fuck would he want old medical records?"
She'd been speaking mostly to herself, but the zn'hre had caught her muttered words.
"Medical records?"
The female nodded.
"Old ones. Twenty, thirty year old ones. I told him to go check with Hkligl: she should know where to find what he wants."
'leesaan bit his lip. Well, that was probably all right, Hkligl was conscientious when it came to library security.
Nevertheless, he kept half an eye on the Saiyan - when he could spare so much…
He turned his attention back to his translation. He was still puzzling over that enigmatic statement, and had made a point of trying to define the significance of water and stone to the zhaneer - with some success. He was now fairly certain that his ancient forebears regarded water as the source of life - much as did many other species', since life as they knew it was impossible without the vital liquid - but more than that, they seemed to have some special spiritual relationship with the medium. As though they considered it a living element, something to be respected, not in the sense that it was a deity of some kind, of course, more in that it had some kind of special protective qualities…
What these were he had yet to discover, but he felt that he was heading in the right direction, at least. He said as much to Jeice over last meal that night.
The hash'shavven eyed him sombrely and nodded, pensively.
"Perhaps it has to do with how their world appears from space."
'leesaan blinked, then frowned. It was an interesting idea. And they knew that vast expanses of Zhane were either ocean or gas-desert: the planet would look a uniform blue from a distance, as though covered with water. He nodded.
"Thank you, Ja'isuu. I'll pursue that tomorrow."
Jeice smiled and offered him a platter of vrynard in rich sauce.
"You could also try asking 'zhasaan if he knows anything…"
'leesaan blinked again. It simply hadn't occurred to him that his sibling might be able to help - but if 'zhasaan held images of the future in his mind... He hugged the hash'shavven, grinning.
"I'll ask…"
And he did, later while they were all relaxing in the pool, the little dreamer drowsing between Ti'ani and 'miiron. 'zhasaan listened solemnly, but at the end shook his head and glanced at the hybrid. Ti'ani stroked a lock of 'leesaan's dark green hair back from his face.
"It's taken us a while, but we've worked out that 'zhasaan can only clearly see the future as it applies to the family. He gets glimpses of other futures, yes, but can't focus on them. And he can't see the past. He's seen nothing of the zhaneer - yet, at any rate." The hybrid regarded the young zn'hre sympathetically. It was still occasionally painful to sift the future memories, though with Ti'ani acting as *anchor* he was much safer, and happier to delve further each session. 'zhasaan nodded.
"I'll try, 'lee-chan. Maybe there is something, in a memory I haven't found yet."
'leesaan shook his head.
"You mustn't try too hard. There's no hurry."
The dreamer smirked.
"Might as well use this… thing… I'm afflicted with!"
'leesaan ruffled his hair.
"Thanks, zk'vissin."
But something was troubling him as they settled themselves for the night, nagging at the back of his mind. He eventually fell into a troubled sleep, haunted by dreams of a richly-blue cloudless planet. He *knew* he was missing something obvious, a connection he should have made in the light of the disparate pieces of information he'd heard today…
He woke abruptly, the answer clear in his mind - then frowned. It couldn't be that simple, could it? Could the ocean of the statement be home, Zhane itself, 'fecund world of rich deep blue where the ocean meets the dreaming deeps of the midnight sky'?
He shook his head, afraid to be too excited, not trusting the revelation, not until he had more proof. He bolted down first meal and raced to the library with his guard barely keeping up, arriving there before anyone else and so being forced to constrain his impatience until Zh'nast and her aides arrived.
The elderly brood frowned as he blurted out what his dreaming mind had come up with, then regarded him coolly, tapping her claws against the desk as she considered the matter. Then she turned to the comm unit and requested that Zaheen join them at her earliest convenience…
'leesaan was trembling with suppressed apprehension by the time the Hyou arrived. Zh'nast took it upon herself to explain what had happened and ask if such an idea meant anything to the xenologist. Zaheen stared, then frowned.
"It might very well do so, Zh'nast-san. Let me think about it for a little while." She inclined her head to 'leesaan. "We must talk, Ssii'irin. I want to hear the full details, please…"
Zaheen amazed herself with the little snippets and nuggets of information she was able to dredge out of her memory - things that made no sense at the time (except perhaps as little poetic touches to the zhaneer speech) but which now seemed pregnant with meaning. She found herself growing more and more excited as she and the young zn'hre pieced together passing references to Zhane as the 'place of the waters', 'the blue oasis', 'life-giver', 'deep protector' and most telling of all, 'oceanhome'. Oh, of course, they could be completely mistaken - but somehow neither of them believed it.
So - 'the way home is in the stone.'
She stared at 'leesaan gazing back at her, frustration evident in his golden eyes.
What, then, was the stone…?
© 2003 May 28th Joules Taylor
