Handful
[From the personal journal of Zha'leesaan, researcher, Library of Vejiitasei, Ssii'irin of the Royal House of R'ren'nkh'ia]
I think we all knew, from the moment he disrupted the entire enclave at his birth, that the smaller hostling was going to be a handful.
If nothing else, the name he insisted upon was a good indication. A'lestrel - the initial A' denoting the expanse of the void, space rather than desert, and presence rather than the absence indicated by a final 'a. Also a'l - the opposite of gentle, tractable. And the estrel component - as far as I was able to deduce - seemed to be a contraction of the zhaneer ezhtre, denoting distance, and re'e'al, meaning fire. The whole implying 'distant star', but with the sense of needing to be distant in order not to destroy anything nearby. A brilliant light in the void.
Somewhat pretentious, I thought, though time was to prove it fairly apt...
Papa fell ill several hours after the birth, and for the next four days Vinas was fully employed in fighting the infection that had taken hold of his body. Rad-san was close to distraught, refusing to leave papa's side, and as a result the newborn hostlings were separated from their parents for the first days of their life. We all helped, of course, holding and soothing the little ones, *bathing* them in family love, but it was nevertheless a fraught time for us all, and I believe the hostlings suffered because of it. At any rate, Ka'reysu - the larger twin, the one who took after Rad-san - although essentially a placid child, had trouble sleeping, and could not be laid down or left unattended for a moment. A'lestrel refused to let anyone but myself hold or handle him, which was, to say the least, tiring: the hostling only slept for minutes at a time, and spent most of his time awake, fretful, and wanting - needing - to be cuddled.
It goes without saying that the bond we still share was established at this point. And exhausted as I was, caring for the little hostling was a pleasure for me - not because it was particularly rewarding or even satisfying, but because it was the first time since Lahana's death that I'd allowed anyone close. It reminded me of how... wonderful it could be to be wanted, needed.
To call the brat prince - papa had referred to him as such and the name stuck, unfortunately but aptly - precocious was to severely understate matters. From the start he was able to *read* the minds of everyone around him, regardless of their species - and that included the Feeodoreeans, who are emphatically non-telepathic. And he had no control. None whatsoever. Every least little thought from everyone in the enclave filled his mind, at all times. From the complex calculations filling Vinas' mind to the happy violence of mixed-matings everything was open to him - and he had no way to gauge what was important and what insignificant.
It's not really any wonder that he was frightened and confused, swept up and along by everything around him. Those first few days were terrifying for him, and I will never forget the long hours spent holding the little whimpering bundle close to me, stroking the long soft mane, trying to comfort him as tiny hands clutched my hair, a strong little tail wrapped my wrist, and tear-filled golden eyes fixed on my face...
Rad-san found us like that, sitting in Ti'zheenan's garden, on the fifth day. By then I could hardly keep my eyes open, my mind fading in and out of awareness as I tried to stay awake: it was some moments before I realised papa's bondmate had seated himself beside and slightly behind me, one muscular arm around my shoulders. He smiled and kissed my temple as I turned bleary eyes to him.
"... papa...?"
"Is fine. Vinas says he'll make a full recovery, eventually - though he insists 'haabron should never have any more brats..." His face was sad for a moment, regretful at causing papa such pain, and, I think, sorry that it would be dangerous for them to try for any more hostlings. Then he smirked. "Though after this little 'un -" he reached to stroke A'lestrel's face with a forefinger thicker than the hostling's wrist "- I'm not sure we'd want to risk it anyway..." He pulled me back against his warm body, other arm circling mine where I held the hostling close. "Thank you for looking after him."
I could feel myself slipping into sleep, Rad-san's strength and affection buoying me and my little burden, enfolding us comfortingly. I was vaguely aware of being swept up into his arms, and his loving *You've done enough, 'lee-chan. Let's get you back to rest...* as I lost consciousness.
I woke to find myself on the family sleeping platform, beside papa, who had A'lestrel and Ka'reysu in his arms and Rad-san behind him, supporting him. To one side sat Ti'vaasaan, a look of concentration on his face; the delicious but unexpected warmth at my back turned out to be Hijau, returned from Vejiitasei. As I glanced over my shoulder, puzzled as to why he was there, he smiled, his tail unwrapping from my waist.
"You were cold. From looking after the brat prince and not getting any sleep, apparently."
I nodded thanks, reluctantly pulling away from him and sitting up. Papa smiled. He looked pale, and was too thin again, but otherwise seemed alright.
**Thank you, zk'vissin** He glanced down at A'lestrel, who was - wonder of wonders - sleeping contentedly. I smiled.
**He's... interesting**
Papa laughed quietly.
**You have a gift for understatement. How much did you learn while you were tending him?**
Learn? Learn what? I frowned. Papa nodded.
**I thought as much - you were unaware of what you were doing... A'lestrel's mental abilities work both ways: he *hears* everything around him, but he also *transmits* his own thoughts - well, emotions at the moment, he's a little too young and overwhelmed to have much in the way of coherent thought - to everyone around him. Somehow you managed to *shield* him, *contain* his thoughts, preventing the overspill. For which the enclave as a whole is heartily grateful!** he added, smiling.
That might explain the headache I'd had since I'd taken him into my arms. I'd believed it was from fatigue, but thinking about it...
**I wasn't aware of doing anything**
**No, it seems to be instinctive on your part. Probably because of your bond**
That seemed most likely. I glanced at 'vaasaan: papa nodded.
**Ti'vaasaan has the same ability, but in his case it has to be consciously brought into play**
I slid closer, gazing down at the hostling then up at my sire.
**He looks peaceful**
**I have set a partial *block* in place**
**Partial?**
Papa nodded.
**His mind is extraordinarily strong. He won't allow anything more - and even that required considerable effort on my part**
I stroked A'lestrel's face. He was beautiful - especially, now, I thought wryly, when at peace.
**I had better make arrangements to take some downtime**
Papa stared at me, and I smiled.
**You need time to recover - and you can't be with him at all times. I'll help**
**It is not necessary...**
**Maybe not. But I want to** I smiled down at the hostling. **Little shi'iin... he'll need all the support we can give him**
By the time we all returned to Vejiitasei papa, 'vaasaan and I had organised a schedule by which one of us could be with the brat prince at all times, ensuring that disruption to the palace, and the family's life, was kept to a minimum. Actually, it wasn't too difficult for me to continue with my work, albeit at a slower rate: I had a direct link to my terminal in the library set up soon after our arrival. With A'lestrel in the crook of one arm and a headset connecting me to my research partners in the city, we managed reasonably well. The twins slept with their parents, of course, and 'vaasaan took over when I needed a break or when my presence was required at the library. After the first hundred days or so papa and Ti'ani began to teach him how to control his abilities, and I was needed less, though I still stayed in the palace, as A'lestrel was really only at ease if papa or myself was near, and papa was frequently needed in council with Vejiita. But all in all we managed quite well - for the first year and a half...
A'lestrel was intelligent - had to be, in order to cope with the vast amount of information his rapidly developing mind was taking in, even through the *block*. And he grew rapidly too, pushing his infant body to try to catch up with his mind. He was always in advance of his sibling in all things, though there was a certain amount of competitiveness: 'reysu learned to talk, fly and walk faster than the other hybrids had done in order to try to keep up with his twin.
Then shizun hit.
That sounds so inconsequential, doesn't it? Yet the whole event was a complete nightmare. Yes, of course 'lestrel knew all about sex by this time, and about shizun - was actually looking forwards to it, the little horror! - but although he had matured much faster than any of the previous hybrids his body wasn't yet fully developed, and he hadn't acquired full control of his mental abilities, certainly not enough to cope with the utter loss of control caused by shizun. Add to that the fact that his ki suddenly increased twenty-fold, outstripping papa's - outstripping everyone except Le'leen - and we very nearly had a monumental disaster on our hands.
Fortunately Le'leen was onworld at the time (he'd taken to spending a lot of time with his bondmate on R'ren'nkh'ia: 'zhasaan preferred the homeworld to Vejiitasei, though I could never work out why...) and able to *hold* and *contain* 'lestrel until papa could choose appropriate hito for him.
He was still hurt, his small body lacerated and injured even though the hito had done everything in their power to be restrained. Vinas kept him at the medcentre for ten days. And afterwards papa, Za'rayne and Le'leen took it upon themselves to train him in the control of his massively increased ki.
It was round about this time that the Saiya-jin-no-Ou first found out about 'lestrel's 'pathic abilities...
Perhaps fortunately I wasn't present for the fight - excuse me, debate - between papa and Vejiita about how 'lestrel's powers should be employed. The end result, however, was that he began to take lessons with Zyelenyi in diplomatic protocol, spent some time with Kyuri, learning about Guard practises and procedures, and started combat training with Rad-san.
I wasn't happy about this, not at all. 'lestrel was less than two years old, and had had no childhood to speak of. But the brat prince was happy with the situation...
By this time he was spending most of his family time with me; I knew he felt safe and content in my presence, and I loved him dearly, for all his many faults. Even now I remember the conversation we had that second year, as cold season approached.
He'd cuddled up to me, one hand holding my plait - a habit with him, one that he seemed to find comforting - his tail around my waist as I sat reading a report, one arm across his slender shoulders.
*You shouldn't worry, zk'viss.*
I raised my eyes to his, frowning.
**Worry about what, zk'vils?**
*About me. About what they have me doing. I like it, like learning. Everyone's so interesting...*
I laid aside the report and stroked his face: he leaned into my hand, eyes half-closing.
**Promise me you'll say if it gets too much, if you get too tired**
He grinned and kissed my cheek.
*You worry too much.*
**Someone has to!** I sighed. **Zk'vissin, you are very, very special and I love you. I don't want you to be hurt**
He sighed and lowered his eyes.
*I know, 'lee-chan. I am very glad I have you...*
Early the following year, almost before the snows had stopped, he started spending time at the barracks.
By now he'd become adept at keeping his *thoughts* to himself, and had made some headway in *shielding* himself from the influx of others' minds - a situation that was steadily improving, to my relief. What I didn't realise was the desire for privacy that was growing within him, a mental privacy he'd never experienced.
It made him secretive. It was fifty days before news reached me of 'lestrel's 'exploits' at the barracks. It was 'raadiin who finally broke the news.
Our young warrior arrived at my office and perched himself on the corner of my desk, arms crossed and frowning. I sat back and regarded him, unease growing. He inclined his head.
**Maa'ziin, do you really think it's good for 'lestrel to spend so much time fucking the guard?**
I felt myself go cold.
**... what...?**
'raadiin's frown cleared.
**Ah. You didn't know. OK, that explains that...** He sighed. **'lestrel seems to be working his way through the elite guard, one by one. I know the hybrids need a protein influx regularly after first shizun** that had been established after Ti'ani and Le'leen's shizun **but he seems to be taking it a bit far. Not that anyone's complaining, mind you - well, they wouldn't, would they - but it's not really... fitting**
**How long?**
**Since mid winter**
I sighed and rubbed my eyes.
**Thank you for telling me. I'll speak to him about discretion...**
'lestrel kept his eyes downcast.
*I need it, zk'viss.*
I wasn't angry - I couldn't be angry with 'lestrel in any case - but I was worried, and, I confess, a little hurt that he hadn't confided in me. Which he immediately *felt*, and slid his arms around my neck.
*Don't mean to upset you, zk'vissin...*
I held him close.
**Why, zk'viss? I mean, if you need it, why not come to me? I can service you. Or another of the family. You don't need to go to strangers**
*They aren't strangers, 'lee-chan. I know most of them from training, with Rad-san or Kyuri. And...* he sighed, struggling to explain. *I need... I need big. Strong. People who won't treat me as though I'm delicate and fragile. The Saiyan elite serve that purpose admirably.*
**They hurt you?**
*Yes - but I need that, sometimes.*
I shook my head, bewildered and hurt.
**I don't understand**
*Oh zk'vissin...* he hugged me tightly, making it difficult for me to breathe. *I don't know how to explain it. But trust me, I do need it, need them.* He paused for a moment, then his shoulders slumped. *I suppose I'd better tell papa.*
I nodded.
**He has to know, zk'vils. Do you want me to tell him?*
He was tempted for a moment, I could see, then he shook his head.
*No. It's my problem, I'll tell him. But thank you.* He brushed a kiss over my lips. *I love you, you know.*
It was something he admitted so rarely... I hugged him tightly.
**Please... take care, little one. It hurts me to see you hurt**
He sighed and nestled close, head on my shoulder.
*I will. I promise.*
Papa wasn't pleased, but he also didn't prohibit 'lestrel's visits to the barracks - which at least lessened in frequency, to my relief. And after 'lestrel's second shizun he seemed to steady somewhat, become slightly more discriminating, keeping to a select circle of the guard instead of randomly choosing a bedmate.
It didn't stop him being hurt, though: there were many occasions when I held him as he sobbed through the night after finding out that one or another of his partners had bragged to his colleagues, or laid bets as to how many of the guard the prince could take in a night, or tried to force him to acts he didn't want... I had 'raadiin and Ry have 'words' with these warriors, and 'lestrel never saw them again. And as word spread that it was unwise to upset the brat prince the guard became a little more respectful - as far as we could tell, anyway.
But it was a trying time, for 'lestrel and myself. As he gained control of his abilities he pushed himself harder, which left him emotionally ragged, and he usually took his temper out on me. Which didn't bother me in the slightest, as I *knew* he didn't mean a word of it - but he was distraught afterwards, begging my forgiveness over and over again...
After his third shizun papa insisted he spend less time at the barracks and turn to the family when he needed relief: Vinas had confirmed that his physiology was the same as the other hybrids and he could only conceive during shizun. Which we'd all suspected anyway, since he'd been fucking Saiyans for nearly two years without hosting.
By now 'lestrel was almost full grown, tall, slender and graceful, and very beautiful. He could also be gracious and incredibly charming - when he so chose, which wasn't very often. And he'd decided he wished to join the diplomatic corps.
When I say he'd decided, perhaps I ought to say it had been decided for him and he'd been persuaded into it. Not that he actually took much persuading, however: the Empire was vast, with more worlds requesting to join all the time, and his special abilities - being able to *read* any species, whether they were telepathic or not - had developed to such an extent that Zyelenyi declared the corps would be helpless without him. Which was an exaggeration of course. I think. But even if he hadn't been pressured, 'lestrel wanted to join anyway. He wanted to travel. He wanted to explore other species - he was fascinated by the differences of mind between inhabitants of the member worlds.
And papa was more than happy to allow it.
© 2004 October 2nd Joules Taylor
