Sorrow

"'reysu? What's wrong, zk'viss?"
      The young hybrid turned big gold-flecked mournful sunset blue eyes to 'leesaan and shook his head.
      "S'nothing, 'lee-chan."
      The zn'hre academic sat beside his machii, stretching one arm around broad golden shoulders: Ka'reysu took after his sire, size-wise, although his temperament was completely different. 'leesaan kissed his cheek.
      **Come now, young Ssii'irin. I know there's something wrong. Why don't you tell me?**
      'reysu turned his gaze back to the palace grounds, eyes downcast.
      **S'not important.**
      'leesaan swore silently to himself. It wasn't deliberate, he knew, but of the twins A'lestrel was the one who always got the attention. 'reysu was so quiet, placid and - apparently - contented, he tended to be overlooked, especially once 'lestrel's full abilities had blossomed. 'reysu had nothing similar. Oh, he was very strong, of course; given his parents he could hardly fail to be. But he had no special powers, unless you counted a deep, loving empathy with all the various members of his family - not something most of them particularly valued. And he was so undemanding, and so complaisant... 'leesaan realised, with a pang of guilt, that the youngster was often... not forgotten, Zha'haabron would never let that happen, but since he never spoke out or said what he wanted - as everyone else did - no one really knew how he felt or what he desired...
      'reysu shivered very, very slightly, and 'leesaan frowned, following his gaze. In the grounds below the balcony Le'leen, 'zhasaan and 'miiron, home from R'ren'nkh'ia to welcome the birth of Haabron and Zoraan, Kinu and 'jau's firstborn, were walking together. The academic felt his heart sink, and kept his voice very gentle.
      **Which one, zk'vissin? Which one have you bonded with?**
      'reysu pulled back and swivelled to face his machii, shaking his head.
      "No, 'lee-chan! I haven't!"
      'leesaan cupped his face in one cool palm, smiling softly.
      **Young one, I can tell you have. I've seen it before. You must tell me - I may be able to help you**
      The hostling bit his lip hard, eyes filling with tears.
      **Nobody can help me**
      **Let me try**
      There was a long, long silence, then 'reysu said miserably,
      **'leen**
      'leesaan nodded and pulled the hybrid into a hug, burying long fingers in his heavy blue mane.
      **How long, zk'vissin?**
      **Since I was born...**
      **He hasn't responded? No, of course he hasn't. Forgive me, stupid question**
      'reysu swallowed and huddled more closely into 'leesaan's arms.
      **It hurts, 'lee-chan**
      **I know, zk'vissin...** That the hybrid had managed to keep it secret all this time was little short of miraculous - but then, 'reysu always had been content to remain in the background, unregarded...
      **Does maazi know?**
      **No. Well, don't think so. Haven't told him**
      **You should**
      **He can't do anything**
      **He can speak to Le'leen and his bondmates, see if they'd welcome you into the group. I'm sure they would...**
      But 'reysu was shaking his head.
      **No, 'lee-chan. I don't want to upset them. They're happy as they are. And I think 'zhasaan knows, he glares at me every time I see him**
      **'zhasaan glares at everyone, zk'viss**
      **Not like that. That's a 'hands off' glare. Like Kiraz gives anyone who tries to cosy up to 'sel**
      'leesaan bit back a grin: the Ouji's death glare was enough to put the frighteners on anyone; his protectiveness towards his sort-of family was very sweet, and very reassuring. The academic nuzzled 'reysu's mane.
      **I see. Yes, that would make things more difficult. But I'm sure they'd do as maazi says**
      **Maybe, but I don't want to be a burden, or just put up with 'cause maazi says so**
      No - none of the family would like that... 'leesaan resolved to speak to his sire anyway, later...

A'lestrel and 'reysu were both spending the night at the diplomatic corps HQ: Zyelenyi wanted them handy for a reception early the next morning - A'lestrel to *scan* the somewhat hostile aliens, and 'reysu because the Saiyan suspected that this particular species might give the hybrid prince a few problems and having his twin there always made it easier for him to recover from any emotional or mental onslaught. 'leesaan took the opportunity to speak with his sire.
      Zha'haabron had smiled as his sireling approached him leaving the Saiya-jin-no-Ou's Council Chamber, then swept 'leesaan into his arms, brushing dishevelled locks of dark green hair back from the prince's face. 'leesaan returned the embrace, feeling safe and protected as always in the High King's presence.
      "It has been a while since we had the leisure to talk. Let us eat together."
      'leesaan grinned and nodded, and Zha'haabron led the way back to the family suite - currently deserted except for Zh'leet and Br'yaan. The old brood fussed over the pair, swiftly heating and serving a platter of the R'ren'nkh'ian delicacies she kept in the cold store for just such an occasion, then left them in peace as she swept the tz'een out on a trip to the Alien Quarter's market for new supplies. Zha'haabron shook his head fondly as they disappeared.
      "I have suggested she have a servitor shop for her, but she insists she can find better bargains - and better quality - herself..." He gazed at his sireling. "You are troubled, zk'viss."
      'leesaan nodded and laid down the flash-seared insect he was eating.
      "It's 'reysu, papa..."
      The king frowned.
      "I had suspected something was not quite as it should be. Tell me."
      As the academic relayed what the hybrid had told him, the king nodded, expression resigned.
      "I was afraid of something of this nature."
      "What can we do?"
      Zha'haabron was quiet for a few moments, then sighed.
      "I cannot - nor would I - force any of the family to accept anyone into their midst unwanted."
      "I know papa. But 'reysu is hurting."
      The king nodded.
      "I will speak with him. Le'leen, 'zhasaan and 'miiron are returning to R'ren'nkh'ia in two days time, which will at least remove the immediate source of pain for him."
      "Papa, he asked me not to tell you..."
      Zha'haabron stroked his sireling's hair.
      "But I was aware of there being something wrong - you have simply enlightened me as to the nature of the problem."
      'leesaan sighed, feeling some of the tension leave him.
      "Thank you, papa. He's so sweet, it's awful to see him in pain."
      "I dislike seeing any of you in pain." He eyed the academic. "And on that subject, you have not taken another partner."
      'leesaan shook his head.
      "No, papa. I'm happy as I am. I have my work, and my work-mates, and if I want a bedmate there are plenty to choose from." He smirked. "Keeping an eye on 'lestrel is time-consuming enough without taking on another responsibility!"
      "If you are sure..."
      "Absolutely, papa." 'leesaan's voice was firm. "If I change my mind, fine. But at the moment there's no-one special - no-one I'd want as a permanent partner." He raised an eyebrow. "I'd have thought you'd be pleased that at least one of your children has a problem-free life!"
      Zha'haabron laughed aloud and hugged him.
      "Yes, you are quite right! I am very pleased you are content." He gestured to the platter. "Shall we eat while it is still warm?"
      "Zh'leet won't forgive us if we don't!"

Le'leen rubbed the back of his neck wearily. 'zhasaan was going through another of his infrequent 'clingy' phases, when he didn't want to be parted from his bondmate for more than a couple of minutes. Usually this wasn't a problem, but Zyelenyi wanted Le'leen and his twin at HQ, to 'assist' at the receptions for the Gahagin ambassadors - the Saiyan was still trying to persuade them both into the corps. Ti'ani had half-promised that he would join as long as Ta'haarel had no objections, but Le'leen simply couldn't bear the thought of being parted from 'zhasaan for any length of time, and neither of his bondmates were corps material...
      He took a deep breath and opened the door to their quarters, prepared for the double-armful of seer that greeted him. 'zhasaan was almost tearful.
      "You're staying here, aren't you?"
      "Only for a couple of days, zk'vissin. It's important, you know that."
      The zn'hre nodded miserably.
      "Yes. I know. And then you plan to come back to R'ren'nkh'ia."
      "No 'plan' about it! I'll rejoin you both as soon as these bloody receptions are done."
      "I love you."
      Le'leen blinked, then hugged his bondmate tightly. It was the fifth time 'zhasaan had ever said the words...
      *I love you too, my heart.*
      **Make love to me**
      The hybrid pulled back slowly, disbelievingly.
      *You... Are you serious?*
      **Yes... Please, zkai'da...**
      *You'll conceive.*
      **I know**
      *You want to? You don't mind?*
      'zhasaan kissed him, hard, sharp zn'hre teeth drawing a little blood.
      **Please...**

Le'leen accompanied his bondmates to the spaceport the next morning in something of a daze. Last night had been... had been... he sighed contentedly, unable to keep the beaming smile from his face. And there were four hostlings to look forward to. Heart filled with love, he pulled both zn'hre into his arms, hugging them tightly.
      *I'll be home before you know it.*
      'zhasaan smiled, but it seemed a little sad. Le'leen put it down to his condition: after all, he'd sworn he never wanted hostlings...
      **You must take all the time you need, zkai'da**
      Le'leen frowned, then shook off the strange coldness that momentarily gripped him. He glanced at the shr'en'an honour guard. "Make sure their highnesses are well looked after, and see them to the enclave in safety."
      The captain bowed his head, hissing an affirmative - then with a last hug and gentle, happy kiss he watched them climb the ramp into the shuttle, smiling as they both turned to wave one last time.

Two minutes later, half way to the cruiser that was to take them home, the shuttle ripped apart in a silent explosion.

Frozen in disbelief, Le'leen watched as flaming debris fell from the air, not noticing when his twin landed beside him and tried to wrap shaking arms around his rigid body.
      *Skai'tan?*
      Le'leen drew a deep shuddering breath and wrenched himself from Ti'ani's hold, taking off and streaking up towards the falling chunks of metal, hoping against hope there had been time for the guard to erect some kind of ki-barrier, forgetting momentarily that the R'ren'nkh'ia-jin could not do so... There was nothing left of the organic beings that had been inside the shuttle.
      Blind with grief and the sudden breaking of the bond, *screaming* in agony Le'leen hurtled back to the ground, heading away from the city...

The whole family felt it, of course - but 'reysu was the first to react, following the half-bond to find 'leen beside the lake in the forest on the outskirts of the city, shaking, arms wrapped around himself as though he would fall apart if he let go. It was madness, 'reysu knew, to try to touch him, but he couldn't bear to see him in such pain...
And the other half of the bond awoke, though Le'leen didn't realise it. At the time - he didn't think he could contain his grief. But 'reysu was there, holding him, rocking gently, undemanding, pouring out love and sympathy, and while it didn't help, at least it reminded Le'leen that he wasn't alone.

Ti'aasaan watched his sireling sadly. Le'leen was still grieving, and although the family had mourned for a long time, sharing the hybrid's anguish, life had, eventually, returned to normal. Except for Le'leen. And 'reysu: the young hybrid was consumed with guilt, desperately unhappy for his bondmate-to-be yet at the same time relieved that there was now no-one in the way of the bond being culminated - except for 'zhasaan's ghost.
      Enough was enough, the little zn'hre decided. All the space-going craft the Empire owned had been overhauled, and the fragments of the shuttle recovered and examined, but no faults were found, and the incident was eventually deemed to be an unexplained misfortune. And Le'leen had spent quite long enough blaming himself, refusing to admit that had he been there he could have died too, arguing that he could have created a ki-shield and saved his bondmates and hostlings, and cursing 'zhasaan for not being alive. Time to try the Zha'haarak method.
      He sat down beside his sireling and wrapped his arms firmly around the strong pale mauve body, ignoring Le'leen's flinching attempts to withdraw.
      **Have you noticed how much you're hurting 'reysu?**
      The hybrid kept his head down, refusing to answer. Ti'aasaan shook him gently.
      **I know how you feel. But 'zhasaan knew what he was doing**
      Le'leen's head slowly came up, eyes wide. He hadn't considered it before but of course 'zhasaan had known. He was a seer. He couldn't have escaped knowing his own future.
      So why hadn't he refused to get onto the shuttle? It wasn't just himself and miiron who'd died - it was the hostlings, too.
      *... why?... Why, papa? Why did he do it?*
      Ti'aasaan pulled him close, feeling dampness against his shoulder as the hybrid finally wept.
      **I don't know, zk'vissin. But 'zhasaan never did anything without a good reason. Even if we couldn't work out what that reason was**
      *... I miss him... I want him back...*
      **I know. But it's not possible. And 'reysu is waiting for you. He's been waiting for you all his life**
      *... too soon...*
      **Let him close, zk'vissin. Let him help you heal**
      Le'leen looked up, over his sire's shoulder, to see the prince sitting quietly watching, realising that 'reysu had spent every moment he could just being there, a gentle supportive presence. Without him noticing, Le'leen realised suddenly, 'reysu had become a fixture in his mind, his self. He didn't want the prince to leave. More, he didn't want 'reysu to suffer as Ti'ani had suffered over 'raadiin, and, much, much further back, Zha'haarak had suffered before Hijau had recognized their bond.
      He extended a hand to 'reysu: the prince rose and walked slowly forward to take it, grasping it lightly, comfortingly. Ti'aasaan shifted, extricating himself from his sireling's arms and stroking his cheek.
      **Talk to him, zk'vissin. He loves you**

It was a tentative thing to start with. Le'leen had been mostly celibate for the last few years - not that 'zhasaan had demanded or even asked it, but Le'leen simply hadn't wanted anyone else. Except at shizun of course. And to his relief he'd found he didn't need the usual protein influx anything like as often as the other hybrids: Hijau or Zha'haarak had usually obliged him. So it took him some time to get used to the idea of easy, frequent, non-generative sex. 'reysu was gentle, as always, infinitely patient, soothing and comforting, and slowly they began to slip into a more relaxed and active bond, though it was a year before Le'leen felt he could let himself truly enjoy the physical intimacy that 'reysu loved so much. And longer again before Zha'haabron sanctioned their claiming...

A'lestrel grinned at his twin as 'reysu hastened to his seat, shoving a hand through his dishevelled mane.
      **Tch'. Just as well Zyelenyi's late too!**
      'reysu grinned and coloured slightly: the passion that Le'leen brought to their lovemaking once he let himself truly enjoy the bond was extraordinary. 'reysu frequently lost track of time, much to his twin's amusement.
      **... sorry...**
      **Don't apologise to me! Just try to be on time in future. Zyelenyi's all right but he does like punctuality. He's only late today because one of his mates is giving birth again**
      'reysu chuckled.
      **I'll try...**
      At that point Zyelenyi loped in, letting the door slide shut behind him. He looked exhausted - and harassed. 'lestrel smirked.
      "Hard labour, was it?"
      Zyelenyi glared at him from bloodshot eyes, shoved a hand through his scruffier-than-usual mane - they all saw the bruises on his hands, it was surprising how strong Hassinan females could be - and snarled quietly.
      "Just wait 'til it's your turn!"
      The hybrid folded his arms and leaned back in his chair, smug expression on delicate features.
      "Never happen!"
      Zyelenyi raised an eyebrow.
      "Really? Well, let's wait and see, shall we? Now, we're all here, shall we make a start?"
      There was agreement from the small group, and the Saiyan nodded.
      "Very well. You've been assembled to become our prime diplomatic team because of your status and special abilities. Za'rayne and Ti'ani, your eloquence and persuasive skills have already proved invaluable. Ra'vahn, Le'leen, Za'jau, you're the muscle in the team: Kinu is your primary responsibility." He smiled at the silver maned half-Hassinan. "You, of course, are our ambassador. Ka'reysu is our recorder, and provides emotional stability for the group." He paused and frowned. "Who've I forgotten. Ah yes..." He smirked at A'lestrel. "Care to remind me why you've been included, your highness - other than for your decorative and nuisance values, that is?"
      A'lestrel gestured rudely.
      "Well, Saiyan, if you don't know by now, you never will!"
      Zyelenyi grinned, then sobered.
      "We all know why Ssii'irin A'lestrel is here: his ability to *read* any and all sentient species makes him unique in the corps." He inclined his head to the prince. "And I for one am heartily grateful he's on our side! Welcome, all of you. I trust this will be the start of a long and fruitful association..."