Rising

Disclaimer: As always – not mine, and I'm not profiting from the use.

(SS/RL back story)

"Your problem, Lupin, is that you can't bear to have someone think ill of you."
      Remus - sprawled on his stomach, head pillowed on his arms - was feeling languorous and sated and not inclined to quarrel. His lips lifted in a smirk as he cracked one eye open to look at his bedmate.
      "Severus, we've been having sex for months now, could you possibly find it within yourself to call me Remus?"
      Snape was sitting up, resting against the heavy, dark bed-head. He frowned down at the werewolf.
      "You're avoiding the issue. You don't want her, it's… unprincipled to string her along."
      "I have told her, repeatedly – "
       "No. You haven't. You've only hinted. You've never said, outright, 'Nymphadora, I'm not interested in pursuing a relationship with you because I prefer men.'"
       Remus subsided with a grumble but Snape wasn't finished yet.
       "Molly's encouraging her, you know."
       "… I know."
       "The woman's demented."
       "Molly's all right," Lupin lifted his head and frowned. "She just wants everyone to be happy."
       "And you will not be happy with Tonks, and eventually you'll make her unhappy as well."
       "I'm surprised Molly hasn't tried to set you up with someone." Remus said jovially, trying for a distraction.
       "Oh, I'm a lost cause," Severus snorted. "Even that intractable cupid can't think of anyone she dislikes enough to inflict on me."
       Lupin chuckled, rolling onto his side. He idly traced his fingertips over a lean, pale thigh.
      "Just goes to show how little she sees. Can you stay?"
       "For a while."
       "Good…"
       Snape slid down to lie flat, fussing with the coverlet before consenting to being snuggled, muttering darkly all the while about were-octopi with no concept of personal space. Still smiling, Remus fell asleep to the feel of long fingers stroking his shoulder…

They'd returned from an oddly comfortable, if not especially chatty, lunch just in time to catch Tonks as she exited from the Living Tale. The auror looked flushed, dazed and rather dreamy but she'd grinned at Remus and passed a cryptic – to anyone not familiar with the book - comment about the ludicrousness of corsets. Then, still flushed, she'd advised that 'that thing' needed to be spelled shut, before excusing herself quickly to return to work.
      "I wonder if she found flower-arranging tedious in the extreme?" Severus muttered under his breath. Lupin had laughed then they'd settled down to finish the job of cataloguing the contents of the box. The afternoon had passed in a silence that retained vestiges of their comfortable lunch though Severus had departed as soon as the task was finished, sparing Remus a curt nod before apparating. Lupin had been disappointed to see him go but he supposed the next move was rightly Snape's.
      He'd been prepared to go slowly with Severus – had resigned himself to it, in fact – so to have the potions master unexpectedly appear the next evening sporting a look that'd made the werewolf's toes curl had been… gratifying. He'd forgone offering tea, abandoning the niceties expected of a good host in favour of hard, thorough, entirely consensual sex. Remus had found himself fucked into the bed this time, rather than the wall. The preparation had been perfunctory – hardly surprising as they'd both been clawing at each other by the time they reached his room – but even so it had been enough to make Snape's initial thrust a long slide of pleasure that cancelled out any discomfort.
      And there was that small noise again, that moan of Severus' that made Remus' blood surge and his spine tingle. More affecting than any mere lust potion…
      Their first time – their first real time – had been hard and fast and immensely satisfying, though it'd still pained Remus to let Snape leave so soon afterwards. This time at least Snape hadn't stalked away without a word, this time he'd lain there skin to skin with Remus for a few minutes as they recovered their collective breaths.
      "I have to go." The tone could almost have been apologetic, if you'd been listening with a sympathetic ear.
      "See you again?" Remus had asked with forced nonchalance as Snape peeled away from him.
      "Yes."
      Yes. That one word had Lupin's heart thudding with anticipation within his chest. Yes.
      The potions master dressed with quick efficiency then leant across the bed to brush his lips over Remus'.
      "Soon." He whispered against his mouth, then was striding towards the door before the drowsy werewolf could react. Remus stirred himself to speak, though, before Snape left the room.
      "Do you always top?"
      The black robes melded with night-time shadows, leaving the long, pale oval of Snape's face seeming to float in the gloom. His expression, at best, was enigmatic.
      "No."
      "Oh good," Lupin smiled, lazily flashing his canines. Severus quirked an eyebrow but said nothing more. The door quietly snicked shut behind him.

They had an unspoken agreement right from the start that their… relationship would remain private. It was too fragile a thing to subject to public scrutiny. In company, during Order meetings, they remained impassive to each other, maintaining a physical distance and the façade of their previous enmity. Alone, however, the distance closed and Severus responded to Remus' unstinting affection with an intensity that sometimes rocked the werewolf. Severus – Lupin was discovering – did indeed have depths of passion that'd been effectively camouflaged by years of aloof and sneering disdain. At times Remus felt honoured to be so entrusted; at others he worried about Snape handing over freely something that had the potential to be used against him. Mostly though he simply relished what was building between them.

Secrets don't always remain secret, not to those with the wit to discern them.
      In the middle of an Order meeting Severus stood abruptly, interrupting Arthur mid-sentence: he grated a curt apology to the company then swept out of the kitchen. Remus noticed the man's increased pallor but quickly remembered to smooth out his concerned frown. Not quickly enough, however and he glanced up to find himself under Dumbledore's thoughtful gaze.
      After the meeting the Headmaster called Remus aside for a few quiet words.
      "A lot is asked of Severus," he said, "perhaps too much. He needs a friend." Dumbledore chuckled. "He'd deny that, of course…"
      It wasn't until Albus had left Grimmauld place that Lupin realised just how old the wizard was looking. Dumbledore, once apparently ageless, now seemed to be fading in front of his eyes. It'd left the werewolf with a chill on his heart.

Severus had returned later that night, much later, waking Remus from an admittedly light sleep.
      "Lumos. Sorry…!" Snape had flinched at the sudden flare of light, involuntarily bringing his hand up to shield his eyes. The sleeve of his robe fell away from his upraised arm allowing an unnerving glimpse of the Dark Mark.
      "Lupin…"
      "Here." Remus muted the wand light then pulled back the bedcovers. "Come and lie down."
      Severus quickly shrugged out of his robes and boots then slid into bed and straight into Lupin's arms, burying his face in the crook of the werewolf's neck.
      "All right?" Lupin asked, concerned by the atypical behaviour. Severus exhaled a long breath and nodded once.
      "He was testing me." Snape's rich voice was muffled. "He knew the Order was meeting tonight."
      Remus twitched.
      "How… how did he know that?"
      "I told him." Severus shifted his head from Lupin's shoulder to his pillow. "I always tell him when there's a meeting scheduled."
      That was a discomfiting thought and it must have shown on his face because Snape added wearily:
      "Albus knows. He's given his approval."
      Maybe so but letting Voldemort know when the Order met - if not where – still seemed like a risk.
      "The Dark Lord isn't stupid enough to arrange any activities when the Order is assembled and ready to go." Severus' eyes were drifting closed as he gradually relaxed.
      "Tired?" Remus asked, stroking the potions master's cheek, quietly pleased to see the man relax further at his touch. "Sleep then." He dropped a light kiss on a pale forehead before extinguishing the faint glow from his wand.

Severus had risen and left before first light but Remus hadn't minded too much. That was the first time Snape had stayed longer than an hour – even without sex - and it marked another stage in their deepening relationship.

How they continued to keep things quiet was a mystery, though in retrospect it probably wasn't all that surprising. Snape was intensely private, Remus himself wasn't much given to public declarations and Dumbledore never hinted in even the most oblique manner that he knew what was going on. The rest of the Order remained ignorant of their relationship, which was both a good and a bad thing. Good, in that Remus didn't have to worry about fielding comments or criticism about his choice of bedmate, and bad in that Tonks could see no impediment to pursuing him. He liked Tonks, he really did - she was bright and vivacious, dedicated and intelligent - but she wasn't what he wanted. It puzzled him sometimes why Tonks had set her sights on him; Shacklebolt was a much better prospect, surely? And why was Molly encouraging her? Arthur, thankfully, was inclined to stay out of it, but he wasn't willing to tell his wife to do the same.
The 'Tonks dilemma' amused or annoyed Severus, depending on his mood, but he always argued that Remus had to be honest with the girl. The potions master understood Lupin's spineless cowardice – as he so diplomatically phrased it – but unless he wanted the clumsy chit stumbling around after him like a love-lorn wildebeest for ever and a day he had to say something. Something definite. Something along the lines of – but not restricted to – Tonks, I'm fucking Snape; leave me alone. Remus acknowledged that he could be more forceful in his objections but he kept putting off the inevitable confrontation, half-hoping that his persistently lukewarm attitude would eventually give Tonks a clue and she'd take the initiative herself. But, she was proving remarkably resistant and didn't appear to realise that he'd given her no encouragement whatsoever. One day, one day soon, he'd have that chat with her but not yet, there was no pressing need…

He and Severus weren't able to be together all that often - Snape had his hands full with his double life, and Remus was frequently away on Order business – so the time they did manage to get was precious. They'd wrangled an entire weekend once, down in Essex; a whole forty-eight hours alone in a magically hidden cottage on the coast. It'd been late Winter and though the weather was foul it was no hindrance to their plans. Neither of them had anticipated doing much anyway that didn't involve sex and sweat, with occasional pauses for refreshments. Remus had discovered that while Severus was happy to let him top, he was a very demanding bottom.
"Not there! There! Ah, gods, harder, you bastard…!"
Weeks later the memory could still make Remus grin - and blush – fiercely enough it would occasion comment. It was worth it though, every moment of embarrassment, every hasty excuse plucked out of thin air – and dammit, if it wasn't a strong enough memory to produce a half-decent Patronus. In Lupin's professional Dark Arts opinion it never hurt to have more than one good memory to draw on.

The sex was good and getting better as they grew accustomed to one another, but for Remus there were other benefits in this growing awareness. Severus had nearly always been a closed book – oh not when he was being unpleasant, he never felt the need to conceal that – but at any given time it would've been difficult, if not impossible, to truly know what he was thinking. It wasn't quite so difficult now for Remus to hazard a guess at what was going on behind the potions master's hooded eyes. For instance, whenever Lucius Malfoy was mentioned, Severus would go very, very still. Just for a moment, but once you knew what to look for… Remus knew Snape had been an old friend of the disgraced pure-blood, but was that all? He had his suspicions now, and they did nothing for his peace of mind. He did not like at all the thought that his lover had had something with Malfoy. If they had been fucking, how long had it been going on? The idea that it'd been Lucius Bloody Malfoy enjoying Severus' proficiency while he – Remus - had been ineffectually pining for unrequited love made the werewolf's lip curl with a possessive fury! He kept that all to himself, however. He had some dignity, and wasn't about to play the jealous lover and scupper the carefully wrought illusion that this relationship wasn't something he lived for. He wasn't going to demand details of Severus' past, or indeed his present. Malfoy was still at large, after all, and no matter how much Remus hated the idea it was possible that the Death Eater and Snape still had contact…

Those thoughts were far from the werewolf's mind as he lay beside Severus, listening to him breath. Earlier, the potions master had said he'd stay 'for a while' but it was almost dawn now. Severus must have fallen asleep, though - Remus' quiet grin faded – gods knew the man could do with the rest. You didn't need a deep level of intimacy to see signs of the stress Severus was under. It dogged him, hunching his shoulders and dragging at his heels. It hurt to witness but he continued to refuse Remus' offers of help. Whatever the burden Severus was bearing he was determined to bear it alone.
      "You cannot know, Lupin…"
      Cannot - not shouldn't or mustn't.
      Remus could only watch the toll the secret was taking and give comfort when he could – like now.
      Severus was on his side, curled away from him, the knobs of his spine protruding sharply beneath pale skin. Lupin edged closer, moulding himself to the potions master's back before nuzzling a kiss at the juncture of neck and shoulder.
      "…Lupin?"
      Remus chuckled.
      "No such thing as 'rising gently from slumber' for you, is there? You're either awake or asleep."
      "A necessary skill," Severus responded dryly. He shifted slightly, pressing back against the werewolf as Lupin's arm slipped over his hips. "It's late. Or early. I should go."
      "Not yet." Remus murmured, nibbling lightly along the potions master's shoulder. "Stay awhile. I'll make you breakfast." He offered.
      "Breakfast? A coffee will suffice," Severus curved forwards, encouraging Lupin's mouth to further exploration of his back, "after the sex."
      "Oh, of course…"
      Remus tightened his grip, pulling Snape's pelvis back close and tight to his own. He muffled a groan as he rubbed his cock to full hardness along the cleft between thin but firm buttocks.
      "You can do better than that!"
      "Oh I will," he growled, sliding his free arm over a bony shoulder, hauling Snape's upper body back against his chest. "In my own good time."
      Severus shuddered, biting back a curse as Remus bit down hard on his shoulder, simultaneously wrapping strong fingers around his penis. The werewolf grinned, holding his lover maddeningly still while he continued his leisurely self-stimulation. He didn't expect Snape would stand for that for very long, and sure enough he presently heard a shakily muttered summoning charm – performed wandless, no less, but then he'd always admired Severus' ability for intense concentration under difficult circumstances.
      "Here." Snape rasped, reaching back to slap a glass jar ungently into Remus' hip. "Get on with it – I'm a busy man."
      "And such a romantic, too."
      "You can wine and dine me later, Lupin, at the moment I'm behind schedule."
      Remus relented with a chuckle; he knew that the potions master preferred to be safely ensconced in his dungeons well before Hogwarts began to stir of a morning.
      "Won't keep you long, then." He unwound himself from the lean body. "On your back."
       "And you accuse me of being unromantic…" Snape grumbled, but complied with alacrity, kicking away the coverlet before stretching out over the well-worn sheets with a sinuous grace. His eyes were a glittering, cavern-black in the dim light of the pre-dawn, utterly unfathomable, but his erect cock and shallow breaths told Remus he was welcomed. The werewolf prowled to kneel between his lover's spread thighs, taking a few moments to savour the delectable sight of a flushed and aroused Snape. Not a beautiful man, not handsome, but Merlin's Beard so compelling.
      "Well? If you don't get a move on I'll see to myself."
      Remus smirked and uncorked the jar.
      "One of these days I'm going to pin you down and not let you come for hours."
       "Only if I can do the same to you." Snape watched him scoop up a good dollop of the clear gel, running his tongue along parted lips as Remus anointed himself with the slippery stuff. Once that was done the jar was set aside: Severus' body accepted him readily now, there was no need for extensive preparations anymore, especially not when he was being glared at so impatiently.
      "Ah…"
      Lupin's entry was met with a sighing groan and a sharply angled pelvis. He got in a few long, slow strokes before he was admonished to 'put some effort in, you lazy brute…' Remus laughed - he was used to being given orders – but he didn't immediately do as requested, continuing with the slow and deep thrusts until Snape was practically writhing beneath him.
      "Lupin…"
      No ignoring that growled warning! Bracing himself on his hands, elbows locked straight, Remus pistoned with his hips, revelling in the abandoned moans he was forcing from his partner. Snape's nails were digging into his ribs, his teeth were bared and his eyes half-closed. Lupin felt the spurt of wet warmth between them and, as often happened, Severus' climax triggered his own. He held still, riding out the waves of pleasure and waiting for the shudders to cease in the body below before gently pulling out and collapsing to one side.
      "Thank you… for hurrying that along…"
      Remus watched his hand rise and fall where it rested over the potions master's abdomen.
      "Coffee?"
      "No. I have to go."
      The werewolf propped himself up on an elbow then leant down to kiss the corner of Snape's thin mouth.
      "See you soon?"
      For a short time the weight of Snape's secrets hadn't been reflected in his eyes, but they were back now, dark and heavy, pulling down the proverbial shutters and distancing him from his lover.
      "Soon, yes." Severus reached up to briefly curve long fingers around Remus' cheek. He looked to be on the verge of speaking… But Snape withdrew his hand, favouring him with a barely acknowledged lift of his lips before rolling out of bed.
      In silence, Remus watched him dress, wondering glumly why it was that he couldn't bring himself to say the words he wanted to hear from Snape. He knew he… cared for Severus but wasn't confident that Severus would care to hear it. As involved as they seemed to be he guessed that neither of them were quite ready yet for such vulnerability…

The men shared a small smile across the distance of Remus' room.
      "Be careful, Lupin."
      "You too."
      The potions master disappeared through the door and uncannily it seemed for a moment that he'd never been there to begin with. The werewolf smiled lop-sidedly and trailed a fingertip in the semen drying stickily on his stomach. No, Severus had been here, and he'd return when he could. Lupin was confident of that.