Routine Tatsumi paused outside the office, listening to the voices inside, and smiling quietly to himself. It sounded as though Tsuzuki and Watari were telling jokes. In fact - he listened a little harder - it rather sounded as though they were having a contest, seeing who could tell the most outrageous joke. They were both laughing, Watari so hard he could hardly get the words out when it was his turn… It was very good to hear, Tatsumi thought to himself. The scientist had been somewhat - morose recently, most unlike his usual cheerful, sunny self. But then, his workload had been unusually heavy for a while. That had eased now, Tatsumi knew, and presumably Watari was able to eat and sleep more regularly, which should help his mood...
The door opened as Hisoka exited the room, his customary "Baka…" flung back over one shoulder - though whether he was referring to his partner or Watari it was difficult to say. But his expression, when he turned and Tatsumi could see him properly, was relaxed, and if not quite smiling, certainly not far off it.
The young shinigami gave him a respectful nod before striding off in the direction of the library, and Tatsumi was about to continue his walk to his own office when the tone of the voices inside the room changed abruptly, as though a switch had been thrown. Frowning, the Secretary leaned a little closer to the edge of the door to listen.
"Have you ended it?" That was Tsuzuki, his voice gentle. There was a long pause, then;
"Aa."
Tatsumi wondered briefly how anyone could put so much expression onto one long syllable. Watari sounded… defeated.
There was the sound of movement - Tsuzuki standing, his ex-partner automatically recognised.
"You know it's for the best."
"Best fer who? Yew din't see his eyes when I said goo'bye."
Tatsumi blinked. … what?...
"But… this way neither of you will be hurt."
Something that sounded like a quiet sob? Watari's voice trembled.
"Us already am…"
"Watari-kun…"
Tatsumi could see the scene without having to be inside the room; Tsuzuki's arms wrapped around his friend's shoulders, offering support. He had to strain to hear Watari's answering whisper.
"'m so lonely…"
Not willing to intrude any further, Tatsumi moved silently away from the door and along to his own office. He needed to think.Watari pulled away from the hug, pulled off his glasses and rubbed at his eyes, then gave Tsuzuki a grateful, if somewhat watery smile.
"Ta. 'm OK. Jus' feel a bit down."
"You're allowed. You don't have to be happy all the time, you know."
The scientist sighed, then forced a grin. It really wasn't fair to inflict his problems onto his friend: Tsuzuki had more than enough of his own.
"Bu 'tis me role in life. Little ray of sunshine, me." It had been one of Paul's pet names for him - dammit, remembering that just made him feel worse. He refused to let it show.
"Heh, yew'd better get back and get them reports done, 'fore Tatsumi comes lookin' fer 'em."
Tsuzuki stifled a groan, then peered at his friend.
"You'll be OK?"
"'course Ay will! Yew knows me…"
Tsuzuki grinned, keeping the fragile pretence of normality, not knowing what to do to help and feeling guilty because of it. Which of course Watari picked up. The scientist sighed.
"Tsuzuki-kun, Ay'm alright, reely Ay is. Good night's sleep an' Ay'll be right's rain in the mornin'!"
"If you're sure…"
"Ay'm sure. Now get them reports dun!"
Watari smiled fondly as Tsuzuki saluted and strode out of the office. The smile vanished without trace as he turned back to the computer and sank his head into his hands. 003 fluttered around his head a few times, hooting softly, then settled on his shoulder, nipping gently at his neck. He reached a hand to ruffle soft feathers then heaved a sigh.
"Eh, Ay s'pose us'd better get a move on too…"It was raining, raining heavily. Oriya stared out at the garden sourly, thinking how well the grey weather echoed his own mood.
Watari had been dressed and sitting cross-legged on the futon when the swordsman had returned to the private rooms, a blush of embarrassment across his fair skin and obviously not drunk. Oriya had sat on the bed facing him, frowning.
"Yutaka-kun? You're dressed?"
"Aa… Ay think Ay should go." It was blurted out, and Watari lowered his eyes, hands twining together. Oriya struggled not to take them in his own.
"You have… business to attend to?"
"Na… Aa… well, there's always business… Na, s'not that, Oriya-kun…" He sighed and gazed into warm brown eyes now narrowed as if in pain.
"You won't be coming back, will you?"
"Ay…" He swallowed. "Ay shoudn' be yere, Oriya-san."
"It's against your rules?"
"It's…" He shook his head. "You'm alive, Oriya. Ay'm dead. Ay'm not s'posed to be yere 'cept on work…"
His voice trailed off as the swordsman took his hand.
"This isn't dead." Oriya raised the pale hand, kissing the fingers. "You may have died, Yutaka, but you aren't dead."
"Oriya…"
"I don't want you to leave."
Watari stared, stunned into silence. Oriya's face was solemn.
"Stay. Please."
"Why?"
"Because… because your eyes are the colour of sunshine - and I'm lonely too."
Watari stared at his companion hopelessly. Oriya's face - there was yearning there, vulnerability, an openness quite at odds with his usual cool, sardonic veneer.
"Ay…" He wanted nothing more than to stay. Over and above the compelling attraction he felt for Oriya, there was the fact that he liked the man, enjoyed his company, his conversation. More than liked. But… Oriya was alive. Had a life. Had a future. Not to mention that he seemed to believe he belonged to Muraki, which was rather a large obstacle to overcome...
No, it would be better to end it here. Oriya might be upset for a while, but he'd get over it. Wouldn't he? Of course he would, Watari assured himself desperately.
"Ay can't…"
Oriya slowly let go of his hand, nodding, but his eyes were desolate.
"I'm sorry, Yutaka. Forgive me for asking it of you."
"S'nowt, Oriya. 've enjoyed bein' yere."
"I have… enjoyed your company."
Shimmering golden eyes gazed into deep brown for long moments, then Watari shook himself.
"Better go."
Oriya nodded, not trusting himself to speak, and rose to his feet, pulling the shinigami with him. Watari watched him for a few seconds, then pulled him into a hug, unable to resist a last moment of closeness. Oriya brushed a kiss over his neck.
"Go well, koi."
"Yew too…"Since then Oriya had felt as though something precious had been taken from him. It had felt so final.
He missed Watari.
He missed his sunshine.
He tried to tell himself it would pass, but as the days passed he found that the pain didn't ease; it remained a dull ache in the background of everything he did. And there was nothing at all he could do about it. He had no way of contacting Watari - and no distraction either. Life resumed its dreary routine, only this time he didn't even have the hope of an occasional brightness…In Meifu Watari tried to tell himself he'd done the right thing. Tried to reassure himself that of course Oriya would be fine. Would forget him. That he'd only been a brief distraction, that the swordsman's life would go on as normal.
He didn't believe a word of it.
Outwardly he was as bouncy and eccentric as ever - well, close enough to normal to fool most of his co-workers, at any rate. Tsuzuki wasn't wholly convinced, and Watari caught Tatsumi eyeing him worriedly on a couple of occasions. At least, he thought it was concern in the Secretary's rich blue eyes… heh, he was probably just worried his scientist would lose concentration and damage something in the lab.
Days passed, and he grew more and more unhappy, trying to ignore the strange emptiness inside - an emptiness he hadn't really even realised was there until Oriya. He needed to do something, he knew; he couldn't carry on feeling like this. But there was no-one he could talk to, no-one he could confide in, not properly. He already knew Tsuzuki's thoughts on the subject.
It was a stray comment that finally decided him. He couldn't even remember who said it, now. It was just a cheerful, "Everyone deserves a little happiness", said in passing, a throwaway comment, but one that hit home.
Because it was true. Everyone deserved a little happiness. That included himself.
It wouldn't do anyone any harm, he told himself. He would visit, see if Oriya missed him, if he was still welcome, and take it from there. If Oriya didn't want him there, well, at least he'd know where he stood. But if Oriya was happy to see him… He'd be careful, keep everything platonic, low-key, companionable. He'd be restrained. He'd…
A warm glow suffused him at the thought of seeing his friend again. He closed his eyes, a small but delighted smile on his face. Tomorrow. He'd visit tomorrow.
© 2004 April 20th Joules Taylor
Oriyal Tales
Mini Epics Index
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